MetalTabs.com - your source for Metal tabs
Home Forum FAQ Contact Us Link to Us


Go Back   MetalTabs.com Forum > Metal > Poetry Lyrical


 
 
Old 2006-07-01, 14:58
Infinity's Avatar
Infinity
Life is pain.
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
Contuing Descent

Chaos an disorder surrounding me
And unlike the hand to which I am bound
A dark spear to my forehead
Drags me lower
I was getting better
Faces flickering with the lights
Vacant smiles, conflict
Dragging me through the portal
Into the darkness
Until I'm willing
Senseless
I am getting worse
 
Old 2006-07-02, 21:12
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
Just a technicality, but the first line could have one or the other of chaos or disorder eliminated. And "And" could go from the next line. It took me a few reads to get into it, but I got the idea of an internal struggle going on. I liked the bluntness of the lines " I was getting better" and "I am getting worse." It just seemed to add a punch to the piece.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off



Top

========

Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer
Copyright © 2001-2014 MetalTabs.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.