Why do I feel so devoid
Why do I feel like a toy
Deceit - My worst enemy
Lies - Despondancy

Can this be
I'm versing me...

Your name - On my tongue
Denial - In everyone
Save you? - My trust none
Instinct
Keep me alive
Inhale
I won't hear your song

My life - In the dark
My voice - The crow that harks
My eyes - The pits of dispair
My face - Deceit dwells there
My hands - Fate eludes these
My feet - Crush with ease
My breath - The blizzards of snow
My tongue - Lashing the unknown
My mind - The rising sun
My heart - the falling moon

The demon at the door
The voice that holds no weight
The thread with endless length
The numbers I recall

Do you see
Cracks in reality
They are mine
With endless time
Do you see
Reflections of me
They are mine
I am the one

Do you see whats wrong
Your eyes are blind
Do you see whats wrong
What been left behind
Do you see what wrong
Footprints in the sand
Do you wish of taking my hand?

Fuck you
We don't win
I spit

"My life - In the dark" - emo?

"The thread with endless length" - RTT 100?

"My feet - Crush with ease" - Godzilla?


Now that i've gotten my fucktard tendencies out of the way, I might add something half constructive.

Well it's good yeah, but it seems that you build up imagery and then crumple it by adding something totally different in there.

YES YES I KNOW it's different for everybody, BUT THIS IS A FORUM SO SHUTUP.

The 3nd last and 2rd last stanzas are fucking excellent, and then you fuck it up by profanity making it a 'slipknot-esque' song, basically what im saying is that although the lyrics are thoughtfull and interesting, the pretentious anger right at the end fucks it for me. But thats just me. Some people on this forum *cough User01 cough* might like pretentious anger.

Mm yeah, for me you're basically juggling around good lyrics and pretentious anger.

I would take some shit out, But otherwise A grade lyrics man, I really like. Especially the line "the voice that holds no weight". Shit like that really sticks out at me. The line before... ehh.. meh but this is me.

Good shit.

just for me that wasn't pretentious anger it was neutrality. i dont give a shit at all. just like calm "fuck you. I spit" but yeah i know exactly what your saying in can replace those lines and i prolly will right now

WEll, you don't have to, but it would be better man, I appreciate you actually listening to what I have to say. Probably the first person to. No worries.

" "The thread with endless length" - RTT 100? " That was rich!

Hey, I liked this piece except for the last 3 lines. The way you did the My verses and the Do you's gave it some pulse between the other parts of the piece which I liked. Pretty cool.

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What they said, and personally I also feel that it leaves a much stronger after taste if you let it end with "Do you wish of taking my hand".

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thats actually a great idea but i dont keep anything i write anyway i just have it on metaltabs i dont show anyone else anyway. all my inspiration and i mean ALL come from venting when something goes wrong

Quite Meshuggah if you subtract the anger.
And then the Slipknot line at the end... Oh no.
Sorry Infin'.
I gave up profanity in lyrics a long time ago.
Very suffocating and narrow, profanity.
And the images don't really link.
Much is introduced but nothing seems actually explained or completed.

The rest is quite good.
The repitition bit - nicely done.

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No no no no no i dont use profanity to create anger. Let me count how many times ive sworn when im angry... ok, now lets count how many times i have when happy.... hmm, probably more, swearing is just a common thing for me and so i put it in my work its not angst or anything.