walking down a timeless path
the road drives forever in cold
a memory to far to believe
colors an image behind my eyes
I see a empty park and I feel
the blurring rain is to perfect
to paint such black and grey
the darkness behind the smiles
of the children, how i wish to be there
the feeling captured in the picture
how deeply it scares me within
the mystical touch behind these walls
standing infront of the spiritual realm
my frightend heart heard by them
the unknown beneath the graves
burried thousand of years ago
the demon waiting deep inside the forests
far to deep for our minds to think
and you dont worry about it
hear I stand behind you all
your lives living normally
too scared to breath the dust
covering the truth behind the sanity
inside the book of the unhidded
the photo's you wont understand
the creatures burried possibly living
at the bottom of the deepest oceans
like the deepest places in our brains
we cant use, because were held back
by the feeling of terror and confusion
the wonder bleeds in our heads
and I ask that theyll be light
not in any happy form or brightness
just to see what lies
behind those closed doors
in a time where the clock strikes 1000
behind our hands over our eyes...
...the other life lies in the darkness... -No Heart

I can say i didnt' like the flow / natural reading rhythm of it, but while saying that i think this is probably you're better/best piece you've posted yet.

A little odd, but i think its deciently written. A suggestion would be to break it up a bit at least into sections so its easier on the eyes and the brain.

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I especially liked the imagery in this part because it reminded me of some artwork we saw on vacation that was rather haunting.

I see a empty park and I feel
the blurring rain is to perfect
to paint such black and grey
the darkness behind the smiles
of the children, how i wish to be there
the feeling captured in the picture
how deeply it scares me within

I liked the ideas in this piece as far as a personal vision. I think that if it was song material that a little different wording of the same ideas might make it shine even more. I'm getting Opeth-like vibes from it.

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