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Old 2006-06-07, 05:05
No Heart's Avatar
No Heart
Metalhead
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 84
calm

cant get me up
not my heart, nor my feelings
the darkness struck me to the floor
and i cant get up
i see the light
but i cant go any higher
stranded at the bottom
reflections on the walls crumble
like the burning sky above me
like a time i dreamed
cant find it, where has she gone?
the life in her eyes
looking into mine
trying, but I dont want to
will she let me feel her sickness
and as i look behind me
Ill never forget...
the last memory at the gates of life
her light shining on my soul
her binding exit of this world
i wish i could say its jelousy
but my heart wont rest for another lie
and i can feel you here, in the rain
rest, like the sleep i need
from all the years of isolation
from all the running away from the truth
when it was in my head the whole time
i wish I could steal all your pain
and take away the disease
that took away you...-no heart
 
Old 2006-06-07, 15:02
JOAMdude's Avatar
JOAMdude
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,542
not took away you, took you away

Okay,

It seemed like one of thoseMCR things like : she died, she's gone forever, she'll never come back and i'm gonna die, except i will be enlightened before i die.

This is a site for metal, so with all due respect, your poetry should be more evil. IMO

and i don't see why you put the word jealousy in that, it really threw me off
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Old 2006-06-07, 15:55
tmfreak's Avatar
tmfreak
Slayer of dumb cunts
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, va
Posts: 3,622
Quote:
Originally Posted by JOAMdude
not took away you, took you away

Okay,

It seemed like one of thoseMCR things like : she died, she's gone forever, she'll never come back and i'm gonna die, except i will be enlightened before i die.

This is a site for metal, so with all due respect, your poetry should be more evil. IMO

and i don't see why you put the word jealousy in that, it really threw me off



Just because YOU think metal is all "evil" not everybody does.

Something about this piece doesn't strike me that well as some other ones that i've read. The way it was written is a little too... basic i guess. The point of view didn't make it very intresting.
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