stealing, each full breath you breathe
wrapping myself around your heart
bleeding for a requiem in the end
singing within my walls of closure

cant scream loud enough
inside my head, all in my head
everythings inside my head
your all inside my world
my own world of people
living life like a commercial
talking about killing eachother
and other angry comforts

I want to eat your love
color my tainted blood red
cradle me in your fire
throw me inside the ocean
where I keep falling
falling down the water
I cant jump out
outside the blue sky
let me breath outside
the fresh air of reality
not the smell of blood
sinking inside my brain

I dont need there advice
just to stand in a audience
when i can be on top
singing like the voice
the voice inside the dark
screaming behind closed doors
possesing all there weakness
and there strengths die...

goodbye...people of my world

1st verse was good.
2nd began mindless rant sounding, but the last 4 lines saved it.
3rd had "out, outside" within 3 lines in a row. Some of the repetitions like that can be avoided when they're that tight. A couple is okay, but 3 is too much. I think that's a trademark of your writing though since I seem to recall you doing that in other pieces. Just be careful how you do it.
4th was good.
Unless the last line really has some special meaning to it, I'd ditch that. Just reading it as it is it seems to knock it way down to a juvenile writing level. Even just a "goodbye" would suffice there. If it's meant to be more dramatic and it would show when it's performed leave it there if it suits the situation.

It's not bad as a whole, but seems a little rocky to me just reading it. That doesn't mean you couldn't make it into a good song though.

btw, I loved the title. That caught my eye and drew me in to want to read it. Always a good thing.

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There is definately a bunch of ... probably unneeded repitition in it.

For instance in the 2nd paragraph has head quitea few number of times. These just strike me as odd, probably somethign you intended to do and obviously hearing it over music might make more sense.

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