4pm
god dammit, morning already
light up a cigarette
my only friend
next to my
case of stoli
the world is so much prettier
when you come around
i cant feel
who would want to
when you dont have tears
broken and scatter brained
drowning my insomnia
another shot of sanity
clarity in a bottle
clearing out the cobwebs
with that burn that tastes
so sweet
where was i
when you died
sleeping soundly
for the first time
in my life
for the only time
in my life

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I'm not really sure how to comment on it. I think there's a few typos in it.

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yeah, i spelled light wrong, stoli is a brand of vodka, stolichnya i believe is the full name

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The line "when you dont tears" is that as in ripped or as in crying and how does it fit in the the lines before and after? I couldn't get that.

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try it now, i typed this up at 4 am, so i am sure there are more typos, left out a "have"

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Flows a lot better now. Do you want am or pm in it though? (PST is gonna brain me for all the posts!) I thought it packed quite a bit of emotion just wordwise, but when it's spoken or put to a special type music I think it could really give it even more depth. For me, it took a bit of rereading to get the exact stops and starts for the lines. I think this is a piece that could benefit from punctuation.

The impact of the death and the sleep coinciding was good.

Hopefully this isn't drawing from life experience.

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i wanted it PM, as i am drawing somewhat from life experience, i am sorta of an insomniac, i end up passing out around 8-9 and sleeping til 4ish, or used to, almost daily. i love stoli vodka, and cigarettes seem like my only friend sometimes. so yeah, like i said, some of this is life experience, some of it is just writing along with the idea.

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Those hours are close to one of my son's ideal hours although he didn't drink or anything like that then. He went to work night shift because of that. That's cool. Thanks for all the explanations. It was very realistic.

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