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2006-03-15, 00:58
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Lips Sealed
" Lips Sealed "
Lips sealed
No opinion
Not in balance
Off key
Doubt carried
Round shouldered
Quiet the calm
Shallow breath
Sleep the shelter
BJH
3/14/2006
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2006-03-15, 07:13
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Looks like you took influence from me 
Some bits didn't fit with the rest I think,
like
"No opinion,
Not in balance,
Off key"
I think they would be better with less coloquialism, eg
"Passive thought,
Unequality,
Atonal
Just my thought though |
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2006-03-15, 11:30
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Easy for you to say.  Well, if I talked like that I'd have written that, but some of that I just wouldn't have even thought of.
It was just an emotional burst I felt at the moment pertaining to differing opinions where I chose to just keep my mouth shut.
And yeah, you were kind of an influence even though I've done these before. I thought of your style when I wrote it.
Thanks for the ideas and comments.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2006-03-15, 11:37
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Thats what mine are too but I like to make them a little less blunt like that. I don't go over the top like Carcass or The Berzerker [Incarnated Solvent Abuse I'm looking at you..... You too Corpral Jigsore Quandary] but yeah.
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2006-03-16, 14:00
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,136
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The fragmentation sounds weird coming from you. Unexpected. I'm not quite sure what to think yet.
__________________
Worker bees can leave,
Even drones can fly away.
The queen is their slave.
www.maddox.xmission.com
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2006-03-16, 14:09
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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I've done fragments loads of times, but they're usually longer ones. These are short because of the way I was feeling at the time. Full of emotion, but unable to talk about it.
I don't keep any of of writing into a certain style, but this isn't one I frequently use.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2006-03-16, 19:36
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Slayer of dumb cunts
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, va
Posts: 3,622
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Infinity
Looks like you took influence from me
Some bits didn't fit with the rest I think,
like
"No opinion,
Not in balance,
Off key"
I think they would be better with less coloquialism, eg
"Passive thought,
Unequality,
Atonal
Just my thought though |
I would definately take advice from this guy about this style. Hes like an expert at it. I wish i could come up with better.. choppier parts to some of my songs. I like that kinda thing. But i usually will come up with one line tha tdoes it.. and thats it.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Darko
...Its very annoying to keep having to hear some socially-disabled teen come on these boards talking about all the drugs he's started doing so that he can maybe grasp onto some kind of positive response so he feels better about himself and what he's doing.
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About requiem. Aint it the truth... |
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2006-03-16, 21:30
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Hang onto those single lines and go back to them if you like them. I've done that lots of times. You might talk to one of us or someone else about the particular line to get some ideas how to expand your idea. Collaborations aren't a bad way to go. but if you just discuss the possiblities you can come up with something that's still all your own.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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