half a mind yearning to develop
a deviation complete
quickly envelops
ritualistic, each day a feat

on the dark corners of the mind's
three dimensional sanity lies
an oil black and infesting
any resistance withers and dies

complete warfare rendered
the cranial earth charred
unaware of competition
processes slowing to a halt

the body begins to question
functions reduced to triviality
crippled by the invisible demolition
sinister lust satiated

id tell you what disease this is exactly about, but that'd ruin the fun. im starting to think that my fragmented and halty writing style isnt cool and unique, rather shitty and standard for beginners

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I wouldn't say that if you're getting your point across. There's a difference between just putting random partial phrases down and complete thoughts line by line. I use that way of writing and haven't heard too many complaints. To me I'm writing the way the thought sounds in my head as I'm thinking of it. I don't think with punctuation and proper sentences.

As for the piece itself, all the head references are particularly standing out to me as a friend just had a craniotomy a week ago and is home recovering. I just talked to his caregiver who is my walking partner and she said his short term memory is gone. I've had a headache for 2 days that's been awful, too. I'm thinking this is about some form of brain cancer with all the hazards, rehabilitation, and lack of concern for surroundings. It was pretty descriptive, but never came out with a specific.
Also is invelops supposed to be envelopes?

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yes,yes its E. second time ive had a bad spelling error while writing

yes, the lines are all important to me and it all makes sense. its actually about OCD though that has no black oil that infects the brain.

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i don't know if you're writing from self exploration or not, but if you are, do you think that particular writing style reflects OCD itself? I was asked if I had it that's why I'm curious.

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i get minor OCD when im alone and stressed (late at night). i lock the door too many times, check if the coffee pots still on, etc. and sometimes it feels like "aw shit, i cant help myself" which would explain the line yearning to develop, but its nothing serious and i (the stop-checking-locks-and-go-to-bed me)always win in the end

edit

the writing style is just my usual style of kind of fragmented, hard to follow sentences with complicated (all too often mispelled) words. im not at a point where i can change my writing style to strengthen the feeling of a piece

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Yeah, I hear ya. I double check things and all that jazz, too. I think it's because I do things unconsciously and don't remember whether I've done them or not out of habit. If it's not hurting yourself or anyone else I wouldn't worry about it too much. Everyone has their quirks. That's part of uniqueness.

I think the writing style can go in cycles. Sometimes it might come in sentences and sometimes not. I have no problem following a piece like this because that's one of my styles, too. You might try to deviate from it if that's how you write frequently by picking a topic that you'd not normally write about and put some thoughts down. Sometimes pretending you're someone else can help. With your background of Scandinavian knowledge you could probably easily slip into another mind and write from that perspective. Try to write it in sentences and then go back and rewrite those with more imagery or color to them. It's surprising how the thoughts snowball into something that you can't imagine you've even written at times because it's so different from the usual. But I think it's fun.

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i'll take a stab at that tonight hopefully

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Yeah, give it a shot and either post it or let me read it somehow. I'd like to see what you come up with.

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