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2006-01-26, 11:36
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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The Mad Man
Just a little character I developed yesterday when I was bored. This is the piece that I lost part of, but I don't think it's too bad rewritten.
"The Mad Man"
Instigations of a mad man feeling his way through time and space
Bringing a drowning dream to the surface to give it another breath
He thinks that no one is watching as he pretends to shine his shoes
Little does he know there's other eyes watching
He talks to the flame unreasonably as the firelight fades
Argues his point and scoffs at the retorts he hears
Passes a finger through part of his darkness
And sits alone in a mesmorizing dream
Give him time to see himself as he is
But don't give him the time of day
He'll entice you with his treasons
Don't smile or stare
Give him wide berth
Just let him be
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2006-01-26, 11:37
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Always the mind is circling
Ever the ideas are there
Whether you will be a friend or a foe
He will never really tell you
He sits pulling the string, slowly unravelling his jacket pocket
As each stitch comes undone he says a name
Bored thinking of the alphabetic order
Missing letters and inventing ones his own
Give him time to see himself as he is
But don't give him the time of day
He'll entice you with his treasons
Don't smile or stare
Give him wide berth
Just let him be
Give him wide berth
Just let him be
BJH
1/25/2006
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2006-01-28, 18:33
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Slayer of dumb cunts
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, va
Posts: 3,622
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I really liked that. The word choices definately fit and the natural flow was there. Theres alot of imagery that is used that helps give.. a mental picture of what your describing.
"He sits pulling the string, slowly unravelling his jacket pocket
As each stitch comes undone he says a name
Bored thinking of the alphabetic order
Missing letters and inventing ones his own"
I really like those sentences.
Good.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Darko
...Its very annoying to keep having to hear some socially-disabled teen come on these boards talking about all the drugs he's started doing so that he can maybe grasp onto some kind of positive response so he feels better about himself and what he's doing.
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About requiem. Aint it the truth... |
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2006-01-28, 20:58
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Thanks very much. And I'm glad you liked that part. I thought it was pretty cool myself. 
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2006-01-29, 18:26
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Braidwood, IL in the U.S.A.
Posts: 200
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Hey, haven't talked to you in awhile, or anyone for that matter...
Awesome lyrics, though. Very original, and I like the whole concept behind it.
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2006-01-29, 20:12
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Thanks! And don't be such a stranger!
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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