sacrament......

ive been to the edge of the world
ive seen the fall of man
the only thing that binds is hate
in a blinded mind


paint the men in colours of the chess board
and sell them to the queen
let them fight the oil wars
for gold glory and guilt


the poor and the deserted are dead
and fingers point at you
and the eyes search for you
the eyes ....... never forgiving
till the end



flags have been burned
martyrs have been made
how many dark misteresses
serve humans by the day



hey this is my first one so any suggestions would be appreciated

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Intresting. I actually like the use of words and the flow if you will of your paragraphs.

Is this design for music (i'm assuming it does)

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The first 2 verses were rock solid in rhythm and the lead was good for drawing in. I read this yesterday and I couldn't figure out what it was I wasn't happy with as far as the last 2 parts. I'm wondering if switching those around would give more closure. The last verse seems to not quite finish your ideas, but the verse before could do that easily. If you already have music for it that might not work, but it's just an idea.
Definitely keep writing. For a first it's good.

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thanks guys
and yes i do have music for it
but the last 2 paragraphs were supposed to be swaped before posting
only i forgot
i can be a dumbass

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