/me bangs head into wall.


heh heh

You know,they do have night vision security camera's inside the theatre.The movies I go to,an usher snuck up behind,and kicked us out.

what the hell are you trying to say??

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I figure it's her way of telling us she has no problems getting laid.

Good for you Bia

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oooooo in that case thats very good for you but next time say something that makes a little sense

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Most girls don't have problems getting laid even the fat ones i mean someone out there loves them.

Getting laid is easy you just gotta be cool.

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Seriously...

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FBS, hows the list going?

I had sex with Necrophagist playing, Mutilate the Stillborn.

Thought that was pretty cool.

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Stuff like Emperor, Dark Funeral and Mayhem used to be my soundtrack to shenanigans... Those were bitter days.

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Try it to Rompeprop there are lot's of nice rhythms to get to.

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hell.get invited to some party.get drunk.get some other chick/s drunk... take em to the bedroom or somthin......

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I would like to see a pic of him as i imagin being a guy that a girl wouldn't look at would mean:

*Fat
*Ginger
*Acne
*Greasy Hair or Combover
*Unworldly Odours
*Generally Ugly

and generally geeky looking.

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Revieve

Once, right....I got an erection and I was with a girl yea.... And then I put my penis INSIDE her front bum!! Then after a while My willy did a white vomit inside her. It was sooooo sick.

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Do you brits seriosuly call it a "front bum"?

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lol I do.


We say it in a comical way. We also call it a minge, muff, fanny, and clam.

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Friends







I had sex with a chick and her best friend in a tahoe, while another girl watched. My most impressive act dealing with sex. However your dreams are every mans dreams, and i've completed most of them. Except for the fat girl deal...thats more of a desperate mans wish. If thats what gets you off hey, why not? Fat chicks need loving too. Just more cushin for the pushin huh?



No, not the Ginger kids! They have no soul!!

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Pr0az- was they blonde????....

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Brunette, Blonde, and a Blonde girl was watching us.

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you fucking cunt...blonde= rooaaar!! very beautiful. damn i hope my girlfriend wont read it LOL (she dont like metal, she is more Bjork and Japaneese pop and Britney spears) if you look baby, i love you!!....(she is blonde and fucking sexy)

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Im the cunt? You trained basterd.

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I've fucked a woman multiple times on one day, but I've never had more than one woman in a day. I suck.



I love older women, slightly prefer older women, and have almost exclusively fucked women at least 3 and as much as 19 years older than myself. I was a lot younger when I porked the woman 19 years older than myself, although the idea of pushing the meat pole up a 41 year old today doesn't bother me in the least. Older woman seem to be more proficient, more willing to teach you little nuances that will help you in future sexual endeavours, and generally more accomodating. They also seem to find me more attractive than women my age, or at the very least, are a lot more vocal about it.



I'm really with you on a taller woman. I'm 5'10, I'd be willing to fuck a woman upwards of 6'6". I'm all into the more full figured women, but at exactly 100kg/220lbs., a woman heavier than me would be a bit much, I think. As for pig noises, well, I'm going to have to assume now that this whole post is a joke... fucking weirdo.



I've never had a proper girlfriend, so this would be impossible for me.




I've done several moms, but only one had kids ~ my age or older.[/quote]



This is possible. I've never done it, but I know it's doable. My variation would be casually walking up to a woman I don't know and asking "wanna fuck" or something more similar. The only problem with this is how many times you are going to be punched, pepper sprayed, or arrested before you finally find one who says yes. For the record, I've actually pulled this off on a woman I never fucked before, but I knew her pretty well beforehand, so it's not quite special.



I have very little interest in more than one woman at a time. I just don't dig girl on girl action. The only way I could see myself benefitting would be to have one girl on my knob and one licking my balls simultaneously. That would be nice.

My personal biggest fantasy isn't even anything ridiculously special- anal. I want badly, and have wanted badly, to fuck a girl in the ass. Since I was 12 I've been fantasizing about this non-stop. It's pretty common around the world and even here in the states, but it's something that I haven't had the chance to experience. It bothers me a little bit to know that many dudes who don't even think much of that particular act just saw it once in a video, said "Hey, let's try that" and got to do it. I deserve it more than them.

I'm stumped on the reference, by the bye. It sounds like something Rich might say, too, so I'm guessing he's in on the joke.

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those lesbian grannies.

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I kinda rememberd posting in this thread when I read the title, bit reading the lasdt few piosts made me re,meber how depraved this thread was..

daaaimmmm...

Chris, still on to the anal thing?
well, unless the person you are doing it with likes it very much, it's rather dissapoijnting..

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Yeah, I know the reference.

#1. That joke attempt was almost as successful as the XFL.
#2. You generally don't make fun of other people on the forum until you've been around here long enough to gain acceptance from other people on the forum. Nobody here likes you yet.
#3. A newbie generally would reserve his jokes for someone who doesn't have the power to kick him off the site. Not that a joke that bad warrants it, but it does seem to be proper etiquette.

Next time, be more creative. Feel free to throw in the name of a well known nursing home. Do you notice how much better "Oh, still pilfering Oaks Assisted Living, I take it" or "What's it like to do the horizontal shuffle in a craftsmatic adjustable, bruh" sound? Again, be creative.

You're dismissed.

To get back on topic for a moment, I forgot another big one- I really want to try sex without a condom. That one will have to wait a while.

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Get gf >make her do pills >No jacket

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Well thanks for caring .

1)Also i don't want to gain acceptance. This is the online world if you have forgotton i have a real life.

2)That was not a joke i was merely laughing at how bad grammar/mistakes are around here.

3)If you have never had sex without a condom, you "more than likely" have not had sex more than twice or at all.


Pills have a good possibility of screwing with nature if you get my drift.

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Of course you have. What a dumbshit question. It's just better without.

WTF? What question are you answering?

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He's refering to sex without a condom. Thought that was pretty obvious..

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You weren't supposed to respond to his post.

I chuckled at that XFL reference.

Yeah, he edited the post after I responded to make my response make no sense. Maybe not deliberately for that reason, but in any case that's the result.

Some people have only had sex with a condom, no matter how many times they've had it. There are a lot of reasons for this, not least of which is that, without a partner you actually trust and whose history you know, it's fucking retarded to do so. But you can have a lot of sex without once sticking it into somebody you trust or know well.

i screwed my kid's mom in the same room as her mom, her step dad, her brothers and her little sister. it was a mission not to make noise.

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That sounds like some gross redneck shit.

you never done it in mom's bed?


its not extravagant, but when your mother found the envloppe of the condom, you really dot appreciate it....thats why she's take anti-conceptional pills

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Great. So why are you here?



This wouldn't even make sense if there were glaring grammatical errors in my post. It still wouldn't make sense if there weren't so many errors in your post.



...or it's a very real sign of my awareness to the very real and very serious STD problem in this nation as a whole and in my city in particular. Lowtech is from Providence, he's can probably attest to the fact that HIV, various forms of Hepatitis, Gonnorhea, and Chlamydia run rampant among those in my area. There's also another huge issue- pregnancy.

The only pussy you've probably even seen is your mom's at birth, and I wouldn't go around bragging about that because I've probably already been there, along with every biker and ex-convict with a condom and motel key.

I think we can all assume you don't get laid much or at all, and we can all be thankful for that because, with your attitude, you'd be popping out mentally sterile, slack-jawed, pinkeyed offspring left and right.



It sounds to me like pills are the only real possibility you have of getting laid.

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Holy shit, too bad I already voted for the best flaming of 2006. ^ that one was great.

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Burninated!

Realy, proaz or prozac or whatever your name is,
you are either bragging about your carnal knowledge, spelling you are inconfident about not getting laid (much),
or you realy are thinking everyone has the same (bad) standards in their sex life.

Either way tell's us you are immature.

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Humm...the whole pill thing got took out of context. As for the flaming pretty funny. As for the whole sex life deal....really dont care. I just implying a statement. I guess im not as smart as the rest of you on the site about sex/sex edu so, ill just stay out of this whole "sex" thing.....

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good. the last thing this world needs is more little proazes prawling about.

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Pr0az's **

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No. 'Pr0azes' is plural, whereas 'Pr0az's' is possessive. He was saying your name in the plural (though he did get the gay '0' wrong. Should be grateful to him for that).

Totaly correct. The o's are just less gay 0's to me.

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blood red bass is a year and a half younger than me

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Hahahaha nice. Well guess you should go get porked by the guy.

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....he's my servant / boyfriend, of course. slaves shall serve, you know. would you like a copy? 5$ per tape!

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When you can have a bone rattling orgasm by simply sitting still and thinking of twisted and depraved things after only a few moments...

you have reached Jedifreak level.

I encourage everyone to attempt this at least 447 times in their life.

Is that even humanly possible?
If that happened to you, I'll never look at your posts the same way as I did before

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no since i cum blood, i stopped this kind of pleasure!!

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High 5's Bia.

BOB_ZE --You're having a period not an orgasm.

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Since the Jedi don't get laid and hence probably have built up sexual frustration beyond its normal limits, that probably is a Jedi trick. But, since you don't have to be celibate, you probably shouldn't have to do that, either.

Who knew pentup sexual frustration was the cause of the force. Maybe if I stop looking at porn I'll be uber-awesome like the jedis and move shit around with my sexually frustrated mind.

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hahaha! +1 bob. i've found a new sig.

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what do you think i do in class, pay attention?


*headless granny porn, headless granny porn, dead children..*

OH!

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i have a story even though its not great.

well i was getting head from my ex girlfriend while standing up. i didnt notice that i was leaning on a little shelf, and short story short i fell and she kinda bit my dick. not that hard but it hurt.

and then you woke up

because you've never gotten head in your life

OHHHH SHYYYTTTTT!!1!!1 OWNED

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LOL.

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Alright here goes...

My ex and I had sex everyday for a month in the girl's washroom of our high school. It was fun because I was blasting Gut on my headphones while I was doing it...or her. LOL It was fun, dirty and I am not proud of what I did....well.... mabey a little. Lips indeed are the passage to pleasure.

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Why the hell wouldn't you be proud of pulling that off?

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I'm sure you mentioned this somewhere else on this forum.

But regarding everything else, i'll just say being single has it's advantages!!!!

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Wha?

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LOL yeah I just thought I post it again because this seemed like a better place to tell. LOL

Yeah same here man I've been single for 4 going on 5 years now and I love it. It's lonley but man it's so peacful.

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I hear ya man. But yeah, besides loneliness, near daily sex is also something that is missed by the bachelor.

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Why is it every time I turn on the flamethrower, a pile of gibberish is left in it's wake?

Not that this guy is particularly offensive. It seems to be a recurring theme.

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Yeah so my girlfriend and i tried to have sex for the first time today, sunday, Jesus day. And I couldnt fit inside of her it caused extreme pain to her and everything, i wish i could say i was some monster, but im just a normal dude anyone had this problem? we tried using lube and it caused a burning/stinging discomfort and seemed to hurt her pretty bad. Were both virgins so it may be we have no clue asto what were doing! Thanks for any help. I guess this is the right place to post this.

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You've done it now. I'm prying.

What kind of lube? Was it 'warming solution'? Look at the ingredients - is there any menthol?

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Warming KY Liquid... Proptlene Glycol, Glycerin, Purified Honey, Methylparaben.

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Knew it, you klutz! The poor wretch is a virgin and you're rubbing what is essentially modified dencorub on her fun bits.

Relax, take your time and go VERY slowly and try again. And get some normal lube, for Christ's sake. Warming solution is for old women who've forgotten where their clits are.

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Hahahha, thanks dude, i had no clue, i figured it felt good. Guess im set for round number two.

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Also, make sure shes loosened up and the juices are flowing. If she's nervous she'll tighten up. So don't skip the foreplay, the best method is, in the words of Nathan Barley, to "go down south with me mouth", although rapping during sex is not recommended.

Haha rock on dude, thanks man, my friend told me to "lick it then stick it"

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What, there are still people who skip foreplay? :/
Jeez, it's the funnest moment of sex

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Easy fix...

Get her on her hands and knees....

it'll work.

Ease a couple of fingers in beforehand too, just to get a feel for it.

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Nathan Barley

trashbat.cock!

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I had experience with a virgin awhile back. God awful, took me 30 minutes to get it in and within a couple of strokes she told me to stopped because it hurt so bad. She was like locking up at the joints. Anyway after 3-4 different occasions of this we finally were able to go longer. She still couldn't get on top because it still hurt her. To lube up i spit in my hand and put it on the head. You will have to lube up with any chick and thats the quickest and fastest way to do it unless they run like a river and then she will soak everything, even what shes laying on. It can be pretty painful(for you too) if you dont finger her or use spit to lube up. The lips on the outside stay dry and man its a bitch to get in if you don't. Try making her lay back like on the bed and you stand up on the floor you'll get a better angle.

Just gotta brake her in a little and also use condoms! Might not feel so great and all but bro you dont need a kid! I had my little scare and trust me it's not cool at all. Damn i sound like someones parent! Especially being new to having sex i'll give you 3 minutes max to bust .

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I agree, I love it. It's an instant reason to get your knob slobbered.

Yeah, and suck on her tits, or spit on your fingers and rub her nipples during sex...the ladies love it.

I've deflowered two virgins, I know what you mean.

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haha. my first time 3 minutes woulda been a world record. i dont know whos counting but my 8th or 9th time i lasted 40 minutes. thats pretty good if you ask me.

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hahah! This thread has turned out to be very amusing.

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I've always been able to last a while.

I like the girl to finish off first before unleashing my load upon her face.

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what's that word i'm looking for......ah yes, delusional. you have been watching so much porn that now you believe this has come to pass in your true existence!

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Shreddist: how many fingers can you wiggle inside of her? Like some already said - do that for a while first, then either buy lube or a lubricated condom (suggested) and work your way in very, very slowly. After a few tries you'll be playing hide the sausage in no time.

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2 fingers. Ive spent about 40 fucking dollars in different lube, it all hurts her. Sex is overrated.

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You just have to brake her in. OH WELL

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You homo! Na, really i think the same thing. I mean after i bust, its like why the fuck did i do this to begin with? That only last for like 2 minutes however then most of the time im ready to go again!

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ROFLMAO

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Get a SILICON-based lube. It's so good. What you should do first, though, is spend a good bit of time "warming" her up. Foreplay will get her juices flowing, which is extremely important. Try to make sure that she feels comfortable (hard for a virgin) and don't go straight to shoving your meat in her. It won't work that way!

She could just be sensitive, though. My GF hurts sometimes when we're doing it, and, as much as I'd love to say it's because of my monstrously generous wang, it's not that. I'm fairly average, and it still hurts her. Who knows what's wrong with her down there, but she's definitely sensitive. It works a lot better when she's had some time to fully get in the mood.

Also, are you black, and she's a tiny asian? That could be the problem, lol.

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Fucking hell.

Are you going out with my ex?

I had sex with loads of times in the time we were going out and she never enjoyed it, she always said it hurt and all this crap.

I tried everything to sort it but nothing worked. Was the worst shit ever.

But i got a new girl now who enjoys sex and is the fucking best at it so i'm happy.

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You've just convinced the entire forum of your virginity.

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He'd done that a while back.

Maybe she has Vaginismus or Dyspareunia? Does it hurt her when you finger her?

Finger Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

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TO be honest she shoulda been workin that thing way before you attempted to do it. Its obviouso shes never touched herself, and although i've only been with one chick as such.. (luckily she liked it rough to begin with.. hah) but you need to work those fingers in there and eventually its no big deal.

Some girls are more sensitive than others, but it sounds very apparent that shes completely untouched and thats going to cause that.

My first time with this girlfriend i had back when i was 14-15 when we first did it, it was literally no problem because she (and myself) had plenty of time to work it in before hand. Like 9 months too fucking long. She was angry because i couldn't "pop her cherry" and "make her bleed" i was like hello do you have no idea what that even is? You've already opened yourself up enough that that'll never happen, unless i have a mammoth cock.

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try letting her kind of control it. her on top. thats how i worked it in there. how bad does she really want sex? if shes not ready she's gonna be super tense and it'll never loosen up. keep trying. maybe tell her to read up on sexual practices or something. my girlfriend somehow ended up on some sexual education site and the BJs got way better and sex was easier the first time. we have sex so little it hurts her a little bit every time...

shit, i popped my girls cherry with my finger.

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Answer this question. Either of these conditions are a possibility, and both will rape her psyche to shreds within a few years. Trust me, I've met women my age with problems like this that never got dealt with and they're a MESS.

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sometmes it hurts to finger, sometimes it feels really good, not sure.

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OK, now what about your girlfriend?

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booze relaxes you a bit, so how about a few drinks before you start?
not too much, or it's going to be messy and won't work..

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me and my girl were driving home from a sundaynight concert about 100 miles from my town. We saw Clutch and the gig was pretty awesome. We were both pretty horny and i got a blowjob while i was driving . then we stopped at a truckerstop and made sweet love in the car

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