Hey, you bunch of walrus-fucking prostate massagers!

I'm recently single (about 4 hours) and I thought this might be a laugh - many of you know I'm a bit sick and moderately evil on occasion.

In fact, I have a shopping list of depraved stuff that I feel I have to do now that I'm single. Why? Because it's fucking great, that's why. Also it's been a while since I was properly single. It's time to let Satan back into my pants.

1) Early bootycall a woman after office hours, fuck her, leave, get laid again elsewhere before midnight.
2) I am dying to awfully molest a woman older than 35. Really. This should be number 1, but I didn't think of it first.
3) Do awful things to a woman who's taller than me (185cm, 6'1)
4) Do awful things to a woman who's heavier than me (93kg, 205lb)
5) Sleep with a fat woman who will willingly make piggy-grunting noises during sex.
6) Two ex-girlfriends in 24 hours.
7) Someone's mother. Seriously. Preferably someone I know well enough for it to be a dirty act, but not well enough that their eventual disowning me forever would be a pain.
8) Pick up a woman by just grunting "SEX" at her in a bar. I have always wanted to do this.
9) A genuine bi-girl 4-on-1. If even possible at all, this will take very careful planning and organisation, but must appear spontaneous at all costs.
10) Find women who are smart and talented enough to be respected. In my current state of mind, this seems less likely than a bi-girl 4-way.

Juvenile? Sure. Mean? Possibly. Fun? Absolutely.

So this can be a fuck thread - post your most depraved sexual experiences, dirty stories, and things you want to do to Dissection's sister/earhole/mother/kidneys. Let's see some old-school nasty.

Enjoy the filth. I fucking well will be!

(Note: Anyone who recognises the reference in the title is cool and my friend.)

__________________

hehehehehe

all I have to say is that I have a few women who will do what they are told

if not then I can be a very mean and nasty person

*candle wax and riding crops*

__________________

Congrats...
We exist...
Mastodon...


As for any debaucherous sexuality I might have...
Any experiences I went into details about could lead to "arrests"

cheers and congrats again

Well, that's a nice basket to put yourself in. I'm very pleased to find out that you're smart and talented enough to be respected.

Now, are you calling me a mastodon (which is entirely fair) or implying that the title reference is Mastodon (which is so wrong it isn't even funny)?



Horsefuck. Tell me the worst one you've got and I bet I've done it, but to a midget.

__________________

hahahha, someone needs to do a documentary on this!

__________________

You quote me as "Les"
Who is Les?

And yes...I failed at the Mastodon attempt.

Probably some inside joke that only he and PST might know.

__________________

haha great
If anyone can get that to work, it's you

Keep us updated how you progress

__________________

Add 'Bia' to the end of 'Les' and you might be onto something. Add in the mention of illegal acts and enjoy.

I'm pretty sure I get the title reference.

Dr. Cuntsworthy I presume?

__________________

wow my good christian upbringing causes me to be offended at this vile ,
Nah just kidding , bring on the midgets and dancing sluts . I say let the orgy begin

Les Bia

Got it...
And no...I dont do that.

What am I talking about?
I dont do anything.
I'm a nerd.

If pot was the most illegal thing you did in your life...

__________________

He also made the reference on Cuntsworthy, but unless I'm wrong the origin of the phrase is a bit by the only worthwhile LB there ever was.

hmm dirty shit

my ex liked to be tied up, so one day i tied her hands behind her back, and tied her arms to her waist, stuck an end of one of the ropes up her cunt, and proceed to recieve some of the best head ive ever gotten.

__________________

Hahahahahahahaha you know, that's made my morning.

__________________

Nylon, Polyester, Manila?

Also... braided or twisted?

My girlfriend likes her ass eaten out...and Ive gotten shit on my finger before from me fingering her ass hole.

And I want to have sex with her mother and younger sister.

__________________

I had a brilliant sex dream.

I am standing in line waiting at a supermarket, doing my shopping.

An attractive, hippy-looking girl walks in with a knee length skirt walks in.

She talks to one of the tellers, who is her friend. She's whispering but I can hear her.

"I just took the BIGGEST dump. It's the most intense feeling. I feel cleaner and lighter. And horny. Really horny."

She starts thrusting her pelvis in the air.

I understand what she is doing. She is enjoying the feeling of the breeze running over her pussy. A woman like this does not bother with trivialities such as underwear.

"GRR! FEELS GOOD!"

I am yelling.

"YES IT DOES!"

She spots me in line and she's yelling back.

She moves closer as we start a conversation (at the top of our lungs) about HOW GOOD IT FEELS.

It finishes with me convulsing with laughter on the ground as she straddles me. I am bellowing at her spread-open pussy "ENJOY THE BREEZE! THE BREEZE!"

She is screaming "You're goddamn right! Absolutely! Fucking A, white man!" etc.

Everyone is absolutely HORRIFIED.

This makes me very happy.

***

Welcome to my brain, fuckweeds! Isn't the subconscious fun?

__________________

you, FBS, are a sick puppy.

Allthough I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours for the pussy, it is a goal worthy of a gentleman to strive for. There just is no going withouth.

I suggest you to read 'we are bitches' written by Kate Fillion.

nylon, it was fairly smooth, not twisted

__________________

Cool.
She sounds like a sweet girl.

How strange. You were the exact opposite.

__________________

Excellent observation.
Wish I had got that.

You'll get it some day, my sweet little nerd girl.

__________________

I took a dump on FBS's mom's chest.

....he the proceeded in licking it off.

Something that I have been dying to do is this:

Have sex with a random girl and a few seconds after rolling off her sweaty body, proceed with the following:

Dyldo the Human Dildo: "Shit..Be honest, please. You don't have AIDS do you?
Random girl: "Uh..no."
Dyldo: "Good, cus' I don't want to catch it twice."

__________________

This year,me and 3 friends made a pact to get laid before graduation.Who knows what crazy situations we might get into. LOL

Coincidence that FBS and I lose a girlfriend within the same week?

__________________

Fucking three other guys, wow, that is pretty sick.

__________________

*cough*American Pie*

thats what i was thinking.


i once fucked a fat chick, and when i was finished, i smacked her in the face with the used condom.

another tale, i hooked up with a chick late last september, early octoberish, and i was fingering her for a bit until her roomie walked in and we had to stop, and when she wasnt paying attention i started to run the finger along her lips, then she satreted sucking on it until she realized that it had an unusual taste. i still give her shit for that one.

hmmm, the same chick i tied up, i fucked in the ass in a woodshed. i fucked her with her parents in the room next door, hell, i fucked her in the ass with her parents in the room next door. i fingered her in her moms van, in the middle seats, made her cum near around 20 times in 30 minutes, mom didnt know a thing.

thats all i can think of for now...

__________________

Now eating a chicks ass is cool but tell the bitch to clean her asshole first and is her mom hot

Is her mum a fucking vegetable?

no, but the chick almost bit through my hand

__________________

bejezus, your name IS poonraven!

__________________

damn fuckin skippy

__________________

SlingBlade somehow managed to get a hot girl interested in him that he didn’t think was a whore. Fascinated by this rare event, I talk to her and immediately discover the reason: The girl was not a day over 16. Well, maybe 17. He whispered to me, “This is what lawyers in Texas call, ‘the age of consent.’” There was only one barrier to SlingBlade sealing the deal--She didn’t believe that he went to Austin High with her. She asked him what the mascot was. He accused her of not knowing herself, and trying to steal that information from him. I came upon a plan that could solve this dilemma: I told him to whisper his answer to me, and then she can tell me what the mascot is, and I’ll tell her if he got it right. She agrees. He pretends to whisper something in my ear, and I tell her, “Unless the mascot is ‘I’m going to knock this girl unconscious and anally-fist her,’ he didn’t go to Austin High.” He still hasn’t forgiven me.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I fucking love Tucker Max. Seriously. I could make him 11).

__________________

hahaha, practical jokes like that are great.

__________________

hahahahhahahahhaahah




























hahahahahahaha

__________________

Not that I personally want to have this happen to me, cause its sounds painful

But i would like to see IRL a woman clenching a mans testicles twisting em' round and round till their blue and stomp on them with high heels....

ok maybe i wouldnt cause its just to fucking sick, but part of me is a tad intrigued

__________________

You don't say? That's a favorite past time of mine.

yes...shit

__________________

Hey man..shit happens...and yes, I'd do her mom in a second..and it would last a second because she's so hot.

__________________

Your fucked in the head mister.

__________________

Huh?

i was with my girl and i had tied her hands and legs to the bed and......we were playing with ice....
the phone had rang quite a number of times and was disturbing so i went to take the hook off....when i returned i remembered that i had left the ice cube in her mouth.....
she had swalowed it half way and was choking ....(shit)

__________________

ass

__________________

Dam I wanted to nail a few of my girlfriends moms .
Older broads especially if they take care of themselves are hot

i would love to post in here but i cant think of anything better than whats been said

__________________

Haha, that was great. Fuckforforest, what a great slogan.

__________________

Eating out anus seems to me grotesquely grimey. How does one derive pleasure from such an arduous task?

Because it's different.

__________________

If a chicks got a great ass ,Im all over that .

but what will we call you now??? the manusmaster??

__________________

call me well fucked

Are you telling us about your dream last night? I'm sure it was lovely.

__________________

Your girlfriend must be somewhat retarded to choke on ice.

I got drunk, and me and my friend put his girlfriend on the spit...

Yes it was dark.

__________________

are you saying that you ate his girlfriend?

__________________

Or fictitious.

__________________

since bia is suspened she sent me a pm saying that putting a girl on the split is having 1 guy on one end and the other on the other end with the chickes legs in the middle, how she knows this i dont know....

__________________

im sure shes been around, shes got the looks to pull it off.

__________________

but why call it the spit its just a threesome

__________________

It's not a threesome. That's when three people are engaged with having sex with one another, involving some kind of bisexuality unless all three are of the same sex. Two on one is called a double team. But, since there are a few different ways to do a double team, it's perfectly legitimate to have different names for them.

And you can be a virgin and know what all these terms mean. They're words, not actions, and don't implying having done a damn thing.

By the way, I'm extremely disappointed that I'm the only person who knows where the title comes from. That's a sad day. All of you people who claim to be Americans should just give up; you haven't learned anything of what makes our country awesome and worthwhile.

good thing is...im not american

__________________

Then you've learned nothing of what makes being a human being worthwhile. That's not really any better.

Plus you don't understand the difference between a threesome and a double team, which being Australian doesn't mitigate.

I can't believe that somebody was told that the term 'spit' was being applied to a women engaged in sexual relations with two men and yet still is dumbfounded by the vernacular. What do you people learn at school these days?

__________________

Absolutely Nothing

__________________

I wanna watch

i once fingered a girl in front of her parents and her friends while watching TV

__________________

i know what its from now, i googled it, and then wiki'ed it, and am going to further educatae myself on this person after classes.

__________________

two scoops

__________________

I banged a girl in a phone box before

__________________

what time was it?

__________________

2 in the afternoon

__________________

How the hell do random things like that happen?

haha that's pretty awesome, dude. Anyone catch ya?

__________________

in that case, you rule

__________________

'Spit', or 'SpitRoast'.

To make love to a woman in the 'Doggy-style' position, while she proceeds to give oral sex to another person - or vice versa.

Need I explain what sex is?

__________________

So who fucked her, you or your friend?

nice!!! where was it though? busy area?

__________________

Not surprising, Essex-boy.

I fucked the Vaginal Luftwaffe.

__________________

ok you got me what is that lol

It was in central London, not too far from a train station. Had to pass the time whilst waiting for a train, y'know

__________________

yeah especially when its cold outside

__________________

Luftwaffe is the german air force.

Listen to Rompeprop dude.

__________________

I know what the Luftwaffe was , I just was trying to get the jist of Vaginal Luftwaffe. Hehe .

I'm not too sure myself but not too pretty i shouldn't think.

__________________

No pun intended....

__________________

That was the intention, maybe not everyone picked up on that...stupids.

__________________

We got it you Butt Bandit

Well...think about it...

it's simply plane ole pussy



heh

Welcome back, Les. Been working on any significant additions to this thread?

__________________

Thank you and yes....but only in my dreams.

Shit...I'll prob go to hell simply for some of the debaucherous things I have been having dreams about lately.

We will all be there , so it will be a blast ,remember better to laugh with the sinners then cry with the saints.
Welcome back Bia

is that ole pussy or like old as in musty , lol