Preceding prelude unto eternal silence
Cast out from wilting stars
The Seraph taint lingers onward
Unto the death of passion

Where lies thy Kingdom?
Where dreams are forged
For the sun has long since faded,
Into eternal dusk

Blinded in sin, have we
A shadowed veil born of the womb of time
Existence ever-bound to fate
Her majesty weeps ever onward

A black light, taunting,
From the end of the distorted tunnel
But the dirge of mortality
Cannot provide the trail to salvation

Faith be lost, O’ Heavenly Father
A dryed well of human lie
As it is the abyss that claims I
Do it, as well, mankind

Numbly, we accept destiny
No tear, no queston, nor ever wimper
Sin be that which set us free
Into eternal black somber

I've read this twice today and just can't get into it enough to try to understand it. I'll try again later.

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It's more open to interpretation than given a set meaning behind it, though it did.

I think I got more out of it today and got more into the flow you intended. It seemed to go from being dismal to hopeless and I couldn't get that out of it before. I could hear almost a drone and shuffled march behind it, but I think it's more condusive to being recited than sung. The balance of imagery was good and it had that ominous veil over it. Good stuff.

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I didn't intend for it as a song. When I being getting to a point in my guitar playing that I can start writing stuff with meaning, then I will begin to write in song form. Until then, I am trying to hone my guitar playing and poetry writing skills.

I thank you for your compliment. I respect what I've seen you write, and I'd love if you could offer some advice and/or criticism toward my writing.

Okay, since we discussed this and you asked I'll see if I can get a little more detailed. I don't like to do too much to someone else's pieces because I don't want to override their ideas.

Preceding prelude unto eternal silence --Just for the sake of the sound of it I'd use the word "to" instead of "unto" and leave that for the last line in this verse.
Cast out from wilting stars ---Loved that line!

Blinded in sin, have we -- I'm not sure if it's just me or if this sounds awkward and sort of hanging there. The "have we" is the culprit here. Another opinion might be advisable for that one.

Those are about the only places that I'd really question. I hope that helps.

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