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2006-01-13, 13:37
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Waking Up Next To Her
Wake up to darkness but smell the scent.
It's her alright, my beautiful flower.
Deep red hair and eyes like wine.
I can see it all within my mind.
My teddy bear, always there.
Skin like silk, dancing in the air.
My eyes are closed but I know she's here...
Wake up again... And she'll disappear.  |
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2006-01-13, 15:00
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Now that's what emo is to me. That was beautiful, haunting, and stabbing at the end. Not schmaltz, but intense feelings beautifully painted.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2006-01-13, 15:08
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Do you understand it? He is dreaming of her and he knows that when he wakes up she won't be there because they aren't together anymore.
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2006-01-13, 22:36
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Yup, I understood it perfectly. I'm not dissing your piece with the emo remark. It's heartfelt and not stupid sounding. And it gets the point across without whining. Maybe I should have just said melancholy or bittersweet. I liked it very much anyways.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2006-01-14, 01:26
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Cool. I didn't take offence to the emo remark though, I mean most peices don't mean much to mu unless there is some emotion or intelligence in them. Ps I don't hate emo anyway.
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2006-01-14, 01:56
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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That's cool.  And one of the reasons I did like it so much was because it was in everyday language.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2006-01-14, 02:06
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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The reason I put Eyes Like Wine is because they could peirce you, intoxicate you  |
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