|
2006-01-07, 02:51
|
 |
Life is pain.
Banned
|
|
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
|
|
|
Beauty
3 months now,
Thought you were gone,
But I saw your face,
And now I know,
I'm still broken,
From long ago.
 |
|
2006-01-07, 03:12
|
 |
Senior Metalhead
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: In The Clash Of Arms
Posts: 372
|
|
|
Uhhmmm....
|
|
2006-01-07, 03:46
|
 |
HES BAAACK
|
|
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: slaying all the giants
Posts: 9,967
|
|
|
something like this undoubtedly has much personal value but should probably be kept to yourself. i certianly cant appreciate what it is that you appreciate about this , and theres not a hell of a lot to critique so...
__________________
www.myspace.com/crownedmusic
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j136/transient_shirts/Banner.gif
|
|
2006-01-07, 14:08
|
 |
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
|
|
|
Ooo, I can. Sometimes hurts from love of many kinds take a long time to heal. I liked the brevity of this and yet I feel it's packed with emotion. Nice one.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
|
|
2006-01-07, 14:55
|
|
Life is pain.
Banned
|
|
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
|
|
|
I liked this alot and I normally dont like what I write alot. But I do like this alot
|
|
2006-01-07, 16:28
|
 |
Senior Metalhead
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Germany, Bonn
Posts: 232
|
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Infinity
I liked this alot and I normally dont like what I write alot. But I do like this alot
|
well obviously.... you connected many of your own emotions with ths piece of poetry.... but you should go into your inner thoughts more deeply, instead of writing just 6 lines....
I''m not saying that a long piece is a good piece, but for a topic you have chosen it is best to go into more detail or use more metaphors...
__________________
"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)
"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
|
|
2006-01-07, 17:21
|
|
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
|
|
|
That's an idea. Keep this piece as it's quite good, but use it for an outline to get something with more depth of description. Go the step beyond. It may turn into verses for a song with this as a chorus or a different type of piece entirely.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
|
|
2006-01-08, 12:36
|
|
Life is pain.
Banned
|
|
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
|
|
|
Hmm, but you know I think this says really all that needs to be said!
|
|
2006-01-08, 13:23
|
|
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
|
|
If you're completely satisfied with it that's all that really matters. 
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
