Here's mine:

No Title At All

The souls of twisted heirs of death,
Inhale their final worldly breath,
Enslaved of soul, of mind, of peace,
And wait to the become the winged beast,
With eyes of white and hearts of black,
A feeling of mercy do these creatures lack,
Fear none who come, none at all,
For they have no title at all,

Mind is tripping into central tendencies,
Creature's eyes are piercing right into me,
Final wish to die and leave them all behind,
Please just help my mind

I can't think of anything else right now. --so cool...

The first stanza had a nice flow to it, while the second sort of went downhill. Are you writing this as song lyrics? I think it works better as a standalone piece.

Your comments about the piece led me to think that the first part was very flowing from you while the latter was somewhat forced. I wouldn't ditch it, but let things simmer awhile and come back. The first verse had a good flow to it for sure.

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