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Old 2005-11-30, 02:19
7-string warlord's Avatar
7-string warlord
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Emory, Texas
Posts: 1,280
some not-so-BM lyrics

I usually do Black metal stuff but my mind was at a different place, it's not as abstract.

My prescence shrouded in the darkness,
of shadows casted by neglect.
I feel exausted by this starkness,
while upon my life I reflect.

Looking back I could never see a day,
when I was happy to hold back.
Keep away all my enmity so I,
would'nt beat you down.

I swallow the pain with aborance,
as I try to embrace the decadence.
And once i've made you pay penance,
they'll never find the pieces.
Originally Posted by Paddy
Man oh man I'm in the mood for some meat right about now, so much so that I don't even care how implicitly gay this sentence is.

Old 2005-11-30, 05:08
LuciferianSoul's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 67
The first verse sounds very black metal.

I really like it though, it could make a really good song. Thumbs up
Old 2005-11-30, 15:10
L,B'XXX's Avatar
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
Just 2 things, In the second line "cast" instead of casted. Casted isn't a word according to the online dictionary. And it right spelling is "abhorrence."

Small things, I know, but sometimes little things like that can really change a song. Not so much in this case, but that's the only thing I could see wrong. It had good balance of thought. I liked the structure and I think it would make a pretty cool song.

Nice job.
My eldest son's bipolar website:

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Old 2005-12-22, 04:56
problematic's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 2,037
casted was a word in Elizabethan times, if this is for a black metal song, then and old feeling is appropriate. Fuck the online dictionary.

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