Hiatus

On a peregrinate,
To human condominiums,
One crosses countless faces and characters.
All altered minded,
Following their planned life to reach what they call Elysium.

Step by Step,
Breath by breath,
They all live in an emotionless world,
And hope that their death brings them far remote as soon as possible.

Fact or Truth is,
There is no such thing as Elysium or Hell.
One will end up in a Hiatus,
Trapped within their own soul,
Not capable to escape from the raven black surrounding.

One will be alone,
Forever,
Turning insane.

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That was interesting. An idea that there's something after death only it's total eternal confusion. I think that's what you're getting at, right?

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hmm, I believe that after human life, one will end up in a gap between space and time. Many humans belive in heaven and hell, but with this I try to expand the view on after death. What if we all end up in place, which has no time and space?! One will have no physical body, only his mind....

Believes are going to be false.
One will turn crazy

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Would the mind be the equivalent of the soul? It sounds similar to the same concept. At least as I believe the soul to be.

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well I seperate soul and mind from each other.... they are certainly connected and one cannot exist without the other....

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You lost me there.

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yes the mind would be more or less equivalent to the soul

what do you think about the use of words and the structure in this piece?

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I think it was less overwhelming with the headier descriptive words which would make it easier to contemplate for the average person. I'm kind of curious why you used the term "human condominiums" at the beginning. Is that the overall view of everything it takes to be a human comparing them to structures sometimes bonded or close together and similar?
The structure was fine and I liked having the shorter phrases at the end. I use that in my pieces when I want that part to drift off to the reader's own thoughts and I think you did that there, too.
Did you write this more as a poem or a song?

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I used the word condominium to embody a big city. A condominium is a building complex, with apartments, all close to each other. To make the poem/lyric more thought-provoking, I used this word to portray the city.

Yeah, so your are nearly right with your interpretation.

thanks for your comments!

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