For my punk band. We are oviously not true punk cos we aren't politically correct

Where are you goin' weak one?

We're coming round with our guns,
You know it is too late.
Take your wife and take your kid
None of your family's safe.
You see us enter the neighbourhood
Our shadow's what you fear.
The liberty spikes or shaven heads
Yeah!!

Death is near!
Smell the fear!
Murderous thugs,
Killing career!

Take you prized possessions cos
We will loot and steal.
Taking anything you leave behind
You know it is the deal.
We don't care if your young or old
Or black or white or grey,
The liberty spikes and shaven heads
Are coming on their way!

Death is near!
Smell the fear!
Murderous thugs,
Killing career!

Territory!
[Solo and bridge]

And if you think you'll withstand us
You know that there's no way.
This is our street and this is our town
And we want you to go away.
If you think you'll hide from us
Thats an all out no,
There ain't nowhere that we are too afraid to go!

Death is near!
Smell the fear!
Murderous thugs,
Killing career!

Well, with the exception of the "ain't" line which would sound better grammatically corrected since the rest of the piece is and the lines with the liberty spikes which knocked it into a specific age bracket, it wasn't bad.

Kind of a silly scenerio though from my viewpoint since the things that the 'punks' probably want were built from what the people there built up themselves. With that population gone the punks are screwed, but that's okay. It's just a song.

Good flow to it and it had that angry thing going on. Hey, being politically incorrect would make you more punk wouldn't it since you're non-conformists?

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But punk was always like "Make things right! Run the world good... uhh, good-ly." This is like, anti people power, taking there lives and shit or watever lol

Don´t think it was so great

Don't be stupid, Bobbi. The 'punks' in the piece don't claim to want anything aside from wanting the people to whom it's addressed to get the fuck out, and usually the people who violently oppose themselves to the bourgeois want to overthrow a value system they consider to be shallow and materialistic. Saying that 'well, they're not thinking about the material goods these people represent' is like claiming that Christian missionaries are idiots for not picking up the indigenous religions and practices of the places they visit. Either make the effort to read the piece on its own terms or keep your criticism to syntax and prosody.

It reads like punk.

PST 88--You're right. This piece was just hard for me to take it from the perspective of the piece itself. That's what I try to do with what I read and I read things into this that weren't there. From that viewpoint the structure and wording was all right, but the song itself just didn't appeal to me. That doesn't mean someone else wouldn't like it.

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Shut up.

Let's keep to critiscism and discussion on this sub forum.

It works as punk and I can hear the classical punk riffs when reading it. And though the song as such don't really appeal to me, it feels like there's potential there. A tip is to study Green Day's lyrics and see how they convey their message; it might turn out to be a really useful inspiration style-wise. The anger is there, and that is where most punk rock upstarts fail. Except from being lousy muscians and singers, but that's part of the culture...

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See, that's the difference between then and now. Green Day seems like really watered down punk to the point of being pop. Like the Peter, Paul, and Mary of punk. (You guys probably don't know who they were.) When I think of punk I think of the Sex Pistols. Something high energy and ready to bite your head off. Green Day has some good lyrics and they have a great, catchy sound, but they just aren't radical. These lyrics are radical. They wouldn't sound right in a Green Day type song I don't think.

Infinity, if this is the drummer you're marching to right now then go for it. I wouldn't want someone conforming my style of writing, whatever that may be, and I don't think anyone else should either. Ours are only opinions. Write what you feel.

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