screams of war
screams of pain
we must kill
burn the priests
destruction comes
dark cold moon
we can hear
the devil sing

chorus:the darkness charges through the light
mighty God ripped from the skies
overcome by the greed of blood
with the holocaust in pursuit theres no whispers in the night

wolves of hate
dreams of death
bringer of fear
youll bleed
god of war
visions of slain
demise of Christ
black metal war

chorus(2x)

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*shrug*

nice avatar

the only good line i think was the no whispers in the night .... but i have nothing against pagan wars

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I guess I better read some black metal lyrics to see what's up with them because they all sound so similar to me when they're posted on here and that might not be fair. Or maybe that's why it gets slammed so much. I don't know.

No offense to you, but it's lacking anything to make it really memorable. It needs a hook lyrically. It may be fine with music though. Lyrics can be deceptive that way.

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i used to write a different style of lyrics,like personal struggles and what not but then i got into black metal and death metal so now all my lyrics are about norse religion,anti-christianity,etc

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Maybe it's just that this piece is so barren that it doesn't look that appealling lyrically. I focus more on words because I do those better than music. It might just be that difference. But if you were to do another piece and add more passion for what you're saying into it it might be more lyrically appealling. At least to me, but I'm just one person, too.

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or perhaps its written into a genre that you dont prefer or know much about

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Nah this is just shitty

Well, that's part of what I said. I'm willing to give it the benefit of the doubt since I've not read that many lyrics of this style. The ones I have read are mostly by Death and reading one band is hardly gives a fair idea about the others. Any suggestions? Just because something isn't my fancy as far as what I feel personally doesn't mean I can't read it and try to give an unbiased opinion. If I don't feel that I can I will say that. It's only fair to the author and I've done that before. There's not a whole lot of almost 50 year old women that are into this type of metal I'm assuming.

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eat a dick

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i think its sometimes hard to get the message clear cus a lot of people arent very educated in what people are trying to say in these types of lyrics,theres many different ways to see it,many different things to write about in this genre,but theres only so many words you can say about killing christians,worshipping satan,practicing old religion,paganism,heathenism,etc,so it does tend to all seem the same

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This is terribly ironic to me since I'm a Christian, but we're both writers, right?

You named off a lot of different specifics just now. I'm not saying to do it to this piece specifically, but maybe to a new piece take one or 2 of those ideas. Even elaborate them by a couple lines in this piece itself to carry on the thoughts.
Like --burn the priests-- I'm not crazy about the Catholic religion anyways so I picked that for one. What are they doing that is causing the anger that makes them a target of fire? How do they sound, feel, smell, taste? And go deeper than just a stench or evilness to them. Use comparison to something else to create an image without saying one of those words.
Another line that could have a lot of description is --with the holocaust in pursuit theres no whispers in the night. You could have a lot of material from that thought and it could go really soft and gut-twisting or chaotic to the max. What's happening in the holocaust as it relates to your subject? Who is trying to whisper and can't? Is it because the noise is overpowering and louder or have they been muted for some reason?
Just throwing out some ideas. Like you said people may not know a lot about what you're writing/ singing about so give them some spice to their main course so they develop a taste for what you mean. A piece like that alongside a piece like this will make this one stand out more.
Does that make sense?
I rarely give a "that's good" or "that sucks" response because I like to get more than that.

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:P

It's pretty bland. There are ways to make this subject matter sound good, but this is just flat, boring. If you think that everything you want to say has been said and that there are no new ways of saying it you really don't need to write anything. Even when you talk about this stuff outside of the lyrics you seem to have no passion whatsoever about it. You sound like you're going through the motions and coasting on borrowed ideas, and your lyrics read that way too. But it may get better.