This has taken ages for me to write. Comments appreciated. And if you don't know the song mentioned in it, get it somewhere. I believe there's lyrics to it, too. It was very popular in old cartoons. The ones before I was born!
Inspired by powersofterror.

"pizzaofterror"

One night as the wind was howling
And the rain made the sky blacken in it's haste
I had a craving for something gruesome
Something for which my teeth had a taste

So I went to my refrigerator
Peered inside to find it bare
Slammed the door in anger
There was nothing I wanted there

I had a taste for the wild, exotic
So to the market I did travel
As I walked I stumbled
Falling on the hard wet gravel

As I picked myself up off the ground
Brushing off debris and cursing
A cemetery was before me
And it got my tastebuds surging

Thoughts were racing through my mind
So I stepped up my pace
Got some things to add to dinner at the market
And came back to the sacred place

Set my bags behind the bushes
Looking left and right
Sneaking past the headstones towards the abbey
In the darkness of the night

Pushed the door til it opened
Saw the coffins stacked so high
Thought briefly against the future
As my fingers on a lid did pry

Scent of flesh decaying slowly
Made me turn away my head
But my tum-tum it was growling
Deperately wanting to be fed

So I reached in and touched the finger
Of the body lying prone
The hand fell off all but a fraction
My leatherman tool sawed the bone

I took the other while I was wielding
My trusty knife like a careless surgeon
(And no, in this piece I'm writing
I'm not interested if it was a virgin)

A couple ears I put to pocket
And ten toes with the fingers piled
A little thigh muscle and a shoulder
Came off neatly as I filed

Satisfied with what I'd gained
Greed was not a factor
So I closed the lid again
I'd gotten enough of what I was after

So I closed the lid and closed the door
And walked back to the entrance
I had cooking on my mind
And I walked home with a vengence

I turned the oven up on high
And heated the oil of my Fry Daddy
Threw a chafer on the burner
And had the cutting board there handy

I threw together sugar, yeast, and milk
And let it foam to perfection
Then I added flour in
And blended well the concoction

While I let that rest
I diced the musclemeat to pieces
And tossed them in the pan
With a blend of different greases

The aroma when the flesh sizzled
In the pan so hot
Made me smile salivating
This was gonna hit the spot

I used Italian marinade
On the fingers and toes I'd rendered
And tossed them in the boiling oil
Then turned to get my blender

Into it went bbq sauce
Some hot sauce, and some garlic
Breathing deeply in all this culinary foreplay
Was making me psychotic

As I pulsed it like a heartbeat
Then poured it in a covered tub
With some deepfat fried appendages
This was gonna be some awesome grub

I patted out in a parchmented pan
The dough for the tasty crust
And put some other "shit on it"
Cuz that's how I like the stuff

Then cooked up bits muscular body parts
I added and covered it all with cheese
My breathing was so heavy that
I began to wheeze

I popped it into the oven
For it to nicely brown
I sat at my piano and played
"Til the Carousel Broke Down"

Then I heard the timer ding
And I went into the kitchen
I opened up the oven door
Oh god, that food looked bitchin'!

So I shook up the covered bowl
The contents went on a plate
With some celerysticks and ranch dressing
Because bleu cheese I hate

And I sliced a big piece of pizza
Smacked my lips and sat down to some tv
Savoring the pizza and wings
That I'd made so cleverly

So if you'd like to come dine with me
Be sure and give me enough time
To get all the ingredients necessary
And I'll make you food that's prime.

BJH
10/14/2005

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You scare the hell out of me.

AHHHHH!!!!!!!

Totally bad ass, wow.


"Then I heard the timer ding
And I went into the kitchen
I opened up the oven door
Oh god, that food looked bitchin'!"

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That was one of my favorite verses, too. I bet you could growl this one pretty well and get some blast beats going in there.


JH--thanks dear. I try.

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haha Indeed.

Total creative genius you are,L,B'XXX.

She invited the neighbours in
Bid them sit and be at ease
And say what you like of that
But her neighbourhood is now a place of quiet peace

Sorry, it just jumped at me after this insight into your personality.

I read the exchange between you and Powers about his piece of lyrics which you managed to twist to a song about the cataclysmic burning of a pizza, and, simply put, developed from that this was brilliant. Hope you don't mind if I print and show it to some friends.
By the way, you don't happen to be a Tom Lehrer fan do you...?

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that was priceless. good work!

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MMMM. That really makes me miss your cooking, Mom

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All the world sings in tune when we're poisoning pigeons in the parkkkk...
Masochism Tango! Heck, yeah! wally, knows a little Tom Lehrer although he might not remember that's who it is. Being a Dementite of the late 70's one has to have heard of the Professor.
Go right ahead and circulate it. Just make sure ole worrywart gets credit for it. Or they'll be the next ingredient.

Thanks for all the comments.

And wally I'm sure a little of my cooking skills have rubbed off on you.

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