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2005-10-13, 23:20
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slack as fuck
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Goddamn maritimes..
Posts: 3,395
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Piecmeal Peace
Bloodthirsty heathen
With lust for virgin flesh
Seeking the serenity
Of dismemberment, so fresh.
The pretty smile upon her lips
My darkened smirking glare
The growing lust inside of me
Her beauty is so rare.
My demon is rising
Amongst the darkened clouds
The earth, so cold, it shivers
Her shrieking is so loud.
Soon she’ll lie in puddles
The maggots, they will feast
Her beauty, now expired
I have reached piecemeal peace.
These questions I ask,
Why’d I do this?
Will I soon be caught?
But this isn’t the first,
And won’t be the last,
Temptation can’t be fought.
Another self-inquiry
With this lust so very strong
Without being noticed or killed
Will this murder spree last long?
Why must I feel so good
About something seen so wrong?
Am I transcendent?
Or am I just insane?
Continuing through this quest
With feelings so inane
I look back on what I’ve done,
Her smile cut off her face
I feel a little guilty for killing a stranger..
I’ve rid her of this place
My murder it was useless,
But t’was a marvelous feast,
Even though I question my motives,
I’ve achieved piecemeal peace.
__________________
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Soulinsane
Bottle of Vodka, $25
Fucking on the couch while posting on Metaltabs and getting caught by your mother....
Priceless!  |
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2005-10-14, 01:34
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Down the street from nHoE
Posts: 1,716
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necrotic!!! 
__________________
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Originally Posted by IlikeRiffseveryone
im 50 percent irish and 100 percent pain. (SHAKE DOWN!!!!)
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NECROTIC
Canadian Brutal Death (So you know it's good)
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2005-10-15, 00:15
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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The more familiar I get with this the more I can get different vibes from the different parts. There's one line that bugs me though and that's "I feel a little guilty for killing a stranger." It seems too long and wordy. Maybe twinge of guilt for killing a stranger-- or --Pangs of guilt for killing a stranger? Just a couple ideas. I like it better than I did at first and I think the change you made makes that second verse flow much better.
Not bad.
There was such a mix of strong and weaker lines, but it seems a little more flowing breaking it into different parts of the song's structure.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2005-10-15, 00:18
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Drunken Yeti God
Alumni Staff
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: BangHer, Washington
Posts: 2,819
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Yeah, the guilt part seemed a little too long to be fitting, but twas not bad shiite.
__________________
Fuck Brad and everyone who looks like Brad. From the looks of this picture, I think he's jerking off too much. Keep him away from LouAnne.
I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2's.
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Originally Posted by BassBehemoth
You really have no dignity. I would rather have sex with my fifty year old father.
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2005-10-20, 22:05
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slack as fuck
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Goddamn maritimes..
Posts: 3,395
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wow. 2 replys other then gordy saying "necrotic" cause thats our band. it must suck 
__________________
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Soulinsane
Bottle of Vodka, $25
Fucking on the couch while posting on Metaltabs and getting caught by your mother....
Priceless! |
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2005-10-20, 22:20
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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I just bitched about that at the blue screen today, too. You can see how many times the thread has been hit on, but people can't say whether or not they liked something which takes about a minute. Sure, some remarks get redundant after awhile, but each piece is different so that's how they should be treated.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2005-10-21, 16:20
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Destroyer
!
Whoops
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