I daren't say which clouds should tumble down
as your stars come crashing down, colliding,
trembling the earth with troubling sounds
I lie in your wake as you smile slowly,
valleys so deep as the waters run shallow
time slips slowly through your fingertips
as you gaze endlessly, eyes so wide they could swallow the restless me

Soft satin sins share no common grounds
muscles tighten as shadows enlighten
Shatter my realms for i am nowhere to be found
Shiver and shake, the poison is the only
remedy found for stepping outside the shadows
Time sinks into the black and white strips
dancing out of the silver lining if we could resist this simple silence

If i leave now will you wait patiently
As i linger in the wind, sliding achingly
through your hair only to fall off, endlessly
slipping, but never out of reach of eternity

Have you seen the fireworks inside my mind
Moving pictures, crawling out of frame
Soothingly slow but tenderly enticing finds
Crippling time, while i drown in my reflection
coloring in the frames with shades from the walls
Perhaps one day we'll be that mural, oh someday i know i'll be plural

Did you grab all the colors you could find
This palette bears no burden and fears no shame
but it feels so limited, blenders being so unkind
As i gaze at the black canvas, all but failing interaction
one by one my crayons fall, no substitute means none at all
I turn to you, falling unhampered, i see your smile shine unbridled


(whispers)
Have your eyes collided into the skies, while you blame the stars for being this dim as you revolve around an axis made of gold ?
Have your lips decided to swallow all the lies, while you tame your heart, even if chances are slim as you resolve your reactions as untold ?


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Yup, first post and all that jazz.I'm Dutch, co-moderator at that blue screen LB'XXX keeps ranting about.Will be dropping crits as i find time.
Thanks for the read and hopefully crits

first thing that grabbed me was the english. infinite respect for writing in a foreign language, but "daren't " isnt a correct english contraction... you probably knew that

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Hmm, i knew it was kinda fishy, but should it be I "dare not" say which clouds should tumble down then ?
I don't know, "daren't" has a nice oldschool touch to it.What i do want to know is what you (the reader) thought of while reading this.Judging from the other pieces on here, this is a bit too upbeat for these kinds of boards.I'll dig out a concept album i did with a friend of mine which should be more to your liking.

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Hmm, some really nice word usage there, but the piece just seemed to be a mish mash of sentences without a connecting theme around them.

Oh and Trans, "daren't" is correct English, it's just obsolescent.

maybe. but ive never heard it before now. anyways, nah, it doesnt have to be gorey or sad for us to like it

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NOMAD!!! I want credit for dragging another hairy ass here!!!!! I think that's 4 now?

Nice piece, dude. Daren't I say.

A little of anything goes here, Dutch. There's everything from some really gross gorely stuff and to some funny stuff, too. Heck, you know how I write.

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pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.

But I still think the Time of Death...stuff you wrote is some of the best you've done.

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