Hmm. Sure, we'll go with that for the name, and make a video, and of course have Testicular Sound Express do the music to it.

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Sure would make a flashy video.

"Hi. I'm James. Welcome to Abuse-O-Cize, where you slim your stomach by mashing your knuckles in someone else's. Today we're going to start by learning a few basic movements that combine exercise and beating women. Tomorrow's cassette covers more advanced moves, sexual assault and what to do with nuns..."

We'd be famous. They'd write books about us. "Great Sex Crimes of the 21st Century" springs to mind.

(Who, what or why is Testicular Sound Express?)

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It's what Peter Griffin wanted to name his band on Family Guy. I've been watching that show entirely too much.

"What do you want me to do, whack a guy, off a guy, whack off a guy? Cuz I'm married..."

And since we're both pretty damn white, we need someone of the dark side in the video for at least a few minutes. I'm thinking we have Ike Turner as our special guest.

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Just do Jim in blackface and his Nigerian pants.

Use a kangaroo.

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I want to get back to those kettlebell things. I think I lost about 50 calories laughing at that.

Bobpurgis, your punishment is in the photoalbum. It must have been a premonition. YOU TUBBY BITCH.

I <3 u

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MY GOD.

You have no mercy. Bob, she looks like your lunch.

(That photo was from before you got my extra-special diet advice, wasn't it? Please say yes.)

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haha, well said.

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Tiny Bob and Miss Vickie.


hehehe FBS, I thought you'd love that. He can be your poster child for the before picture.
And I still have his MC Hammer pants that are about 6 different colors. I don't think they'll fit him anymore though.

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You see that picture? That's what happens when you listen to Jim's workout advice. YOU"RE ALL FUCKED!

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Jeff:lol, whos that ,is that jr? ,fuck hes been into the creampies

That's the tc admin. I think you scared him, Bob.

Bob still looks like that except he uses those trick mirrors to change his body shape now.
You're still a big fat ass.

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been doing great at the gym, incoporating more freeweight exercises and thinking about breaking up into days (takes about two hours at the gym now) on specified body parts

also, i ate a packet of tuna with 19 grams of protein. but jesus, ill never do it agian

how the fuck do any of you eat that

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Isn't that one of the kid from the goonies?


Sam: Fbs was just saying that you should have a ton of other things to worry about first, before you worry about how you do flyes. Even if you did them perfectly every time, there's more important stuff to worry about.

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a step at a time though. i didnt even read that bullshit with the order of precedence in working out, etc

fyi i did flyes (wheres that name come from) on a flat bench today and enjoyed it

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Mix the tuna with something else that's healthy or serve it with some sliced tomatoes or something to counteract the dryness.

My dog wanted to go for a little run yesterday so I ran with her. It was fun dodging the groundhog holes in the back field. Then while I was watching the craft shows I taped I jogged for awhile. My legs don't feel bad today, but I feel sort of tired. I had pb and honey on whole grain bread with an apple on the side for breakfast.
The dog stuck to me like glue the rest of the day she had so much fun.

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Yesterday's accomplishment: People look at you funny when you bench press 100 lb. dumbbells for 2 sets of 8 reps.

Thank Pesci my shoulders don't bother me anymore...

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Who?

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jesus dude, well done

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Aren't you supposed to say Hey walpurgis, good technique?

Thanks. I used to be able to do just as much last spring, but my shoulders started bothering me a lot, so I dropped the weight down a bunch, and started taking glucosamine, chondroitin, and something else that I don't remember...supposed to be good for the joints, and well, not having the pains anymore, so I got to build back up.

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Hah yeah thats a rather good amount of weight. The most I've used for (incline) dumbbell presses is 65 pounds.





Butterflies Why the typical spelling is "flye" I do not know.

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George Carlin, twerp.

Kettlebell STILL isn't here yet...

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your mailman hates you

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When the delivery guy gets the pleasure of carrying it up the stairs to my apartment, I get the feeling there'll be complaining involved.

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"what the fuck IS this!?!"

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Holy shit,the Canadian female weightlifter that won silver in the commonwealth games is fucking tiny!I dont believe it.

"To your chiropractor, it's a new Lexus."



Uh, in the 48kg class, EVERYONE is pretty small. These women weigh less than my new kettlebell.

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Tiggers bounce!

So does Ben Turner.

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I wondered what happened to my old saddle shoes.

Hey, fbs, if it's sent regular mail, I don't know about over there, but here they have weight limits. You might get a tiny little piece of paper telling you that you need to pick it up at the office.

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"SORRY WE MISSED YOU!"

BUNCH OF FUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS! I WANT MY FUCKING RIDICULOUS 48kg MONSTERBELL! NOW, DAMN IT!

They were supposed to leave it at the door if I wasn't home... I MEAN WHO THE FUCK COULD RUN OFF WITH IT???

CUNTS!

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Am I good or what? If it's any consolation it sounds like they carried it to your door and then had to carry it back since you weren't there. Call them and see if they can redeliver.

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"Hi there."

"Hello. I am a retarded call centre worker."

"Lovely. Listen, I was at home all day Thursday and Friday, and was expecting a delivery that didn't arrive."

"Did they leave a yellow card?"

"Yes, I've got it here."

"What's the consignment number?"

"... It doesn't have a consignment number. It just says my name, and that you're sorry you missed me, although I can't understand why you would have."

"GOD. I can't DEAL WITH THIS. Hang on, I'll transfer you."

*call transferred*

"Hello, reception."

"Hello. Strange name you have there. I was transferred because I don't have a consignment number."

"Alright, I'll put you through to Sonja."

"Who?"

*call transferred*

"Hello, Sonja."

"Hello Sonja. Apparently I don't have a consignment number."

"What? Why?"

"......... I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. I also do not have a delivery that I am 95% certain arrived while I was at home. That notwithstanding, I gave specific instructions that asked for the package to be LEFT if I wasn't home."

"Oh. Well I have no opinion on that because I am a retarded call centre worker."

"Lovely."

"I need your name, details, date of birth, mother's maiden name, first pet's name, and a pint of your blood."

"Right."

"Well, it'll be there tomorrow."

"Please ask them to knock on the door this time. I hear that helps with these 'deliveries' you allegedly conduct."

".....Sure."

"Thanks."

I hope the fucking driver drops it on his toe. Delivery companies are fucking useless.

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Hahaha.

It would be really funny if the delivery guy is a weakling. You could stand on your porch, smiling with your hands on your hips, watching the faggot work his ass off.

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Why is everyone reading my mind recently? Do I have a fucking sinkhole in my consciousness?

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if he asks you what it is, tell him you recently contracted elephantitis....in one testicle. you just bought the kettle ball to solder on and even it out.

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Scary innit? It means we're on the same level of conscoiusness. (sp) Must be because of the solstice. It will pass. Don't panic.

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I hate you, Bobbi.

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I'm appalled. (Like I never heard that before. )

I just drank 4 oz of juice, too. hehe

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Music by Arch Enemy. Insane weightlifting by Diesel Crew.

Big one-hand snatches, huge push presses, PINKY CHINUPS, a massive deadlift by what looks like Benedikt Magnusson (900lbs+), bench pressing 405lbs for a triple, 160lb dumbbell clean and press, some seriously fucking intense stone lifting, log pressing and even an Inch dumbbell jerk... that's all I can remember.

If you don't know what any of that is, then you need to lift more weights. We ALL need to lift more weights.

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Almost as if we're all going a little sane nowadays.


"far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982"

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Good fucking lord. Some of those guys only look moderately big... but they are powerhouses. I am impressed. The Execrators father used to be able to bench more than that (I believe)

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I give up. Towards the middle of the video when the guy is lifting that thing that looks like fat axle with holes where he's gripping it, why is there an ironing board against the wall? (Leave it to me to notice that.)

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because you were in the other room making me a sandwich, woman










steve lift saturday?

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What does me making sammichs have to do with the ironing board? Unless they use the board to make the sammichs on there.

Oh, I found ya a new Kashi cereal, Tranny. http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts...rispyKareem.jpg

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You talk like caveman, too.

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"You have One New Message."

"James, it's Stella. We have a problem with your delivery. It's just that... well... we can't drop it off."

*picture steam coming out my eyes*

"It's just, well, the driver can't lift it."

WHY MUST I BE SURROUNDED BY FAGGOTS???

"He can't load it on today, and he's already left. So we'll put it in the van by machine tomorrow, but you'll have to be there so we can get it out."

This is right after I spent ten minutes filling out their stupid "authorisation to leave the parcel if I'm not here" form. They owe me ten minutes.

"I hope that's OK. Anyway, if you have any questions you can call me back on 1800-INEFFICIENT. Thank you."

Thanks for nothing, thundercunt.

I am not happy.

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when you go out to the van to pick it up, make sure you make it look damn easy. and be like "wtf, you cant carry this? "




and good friends with no concepts of personal space is hilarious. thats how the box really looks though, what an odd cereal. anyways i eat kashi go lean because it has 13 grams of protein. good friends has like 6, GF is the fiber version

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I'd think you'd become great enemies fighting for seating rights on the commode. hehe I'll have to look at the cerael boxes at the store when I go. I didn't realize that was an actual type of that cereal. Cool. I'll probably giggle in the store.

fbs, since that company doesn't seem to be like some with weight and size limits that pretty much sucks that they won't deliver it without a hassle. Good things come to those who wait. Or weight? Maybe it will me a gorgeous woman that delivers it and then you won't be able to lift it either. hehe I'd laugh my ass off.

Meanwhile, we mallwalked 2 miles yesterday and I worked out with Denise Austin this morning and about killed myself. Then I remembered to hit my inhaler.
Conclusion. I hate most aerobics, but everything else is cool.

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"Thundercunt!" What will you think of next.....

That's sad, very sad. However, most delivery type jobs here in America require you to be able to lift atleast around 50 pounds. 48kg is it? That is pretty heavy. Ya know, companies make trollies that can hold lots of weight. If they have to use a fucking machine or forklift, that's pathetic.

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My postal conversion kit (Denny) said that 48kg is about 100 pounds so I can understand them not wanting to carry it. If they are union they may not be allowed to under contract, but they shoud have made contact to make delivery arrangements prior. I think I'd be calling the kettlebell place and letting them know what happened with that service, too.

EDIT: Denny said that USPS has to be able to lift and carry 70 pounds. With UPS, if it's heavy, they send 2 people to deliver it.

Call them up and bitch. He even said that was a shitty deal they did on ya.

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I'd say they should quit hiring pussies.

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everythings going well at the gym, and im starting to plan switching into "days" so i spend less time

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Damn, bad day at the gym today. Allergy is starting to kick in already.

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Yeah, well, that is actually not that heavy.

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Well, I suppose not for some people. But it might be even more of a problem if the weight wasn't marked on the box. That could throw a back out real fast. I was okay with 50 or 60 pounds, but my right hip that still gives me trouble would hurt like hell the next day. Doc said it's dysplesia. I don't know if I could lift 100 or not.

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Deadlifted 305 for 2 reps today, and 250 for a set of 10, no straps. I feel tough.

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shrugged 40s and leg pressed 370 (fucked up my right groin muscle on that, going to have to back up hahahaha)


thats about it for noticeable increases

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You should be able to shrug more than that Trans..try 60lbs.

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well im getting there. this is my second week of shrugging, and i did 30 reps without incident so itll be 45s my next time at the gym. actually ive never really worked my traps before so im not suprised theyre weak

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WELCOME TO HELL.

You have absolutely no appreciation for how monstrous this object is until you lift it. The handle is almost 15cm around (about 2 inches in diameter). It's like lifting a house by the sides. Also, the whole damn thing weighs more than the biggest dumbbells in your gym.

Oh well. Now's the part where I get stronger.

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Today I did pyramid sets of 10 (OLYMPIC BAR FREE WEIGHTS!!!!!!) power squats up to 245lbs.
......pyramid sets up to 275lbs of deadlifts
....5 sets of 5 romanian deadlifts of 135lbs

3 sets of 8 wide grip 135lbs bench presses
pyriamid sets of pyramid reps up to 110lbs and 15 reps of pulldowns
1 set of 10 bodyweight dips
bike for 5 minutes (80-90 reps per minute).

The rec center was closed all spring break, so I was stuck with bodyweight exercises....which means I got weaker cause I hate those exercises. In other words, this was a big workout for me, and a little lesser weight.

I was sooo fucking pumped for this workout that all this took only 45 or 50 minutes!!!!!

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hahaha, I enjoyed your cat checking it out...it's probably thinking "WTF!!!11"

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I deadlifted 345 today 3 times... but for some reason I'm not all the proud of the lift. Kinda thought I could do more...

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Before spring break my deadlift was 320 and my squat was 360.

And you're twice as fat as me.

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He's not fat he's big boneded.
It would have been cuter if the cat had it's paw on the scale. The equivalent of the old butchershops that used to put their thumb on the scale to add more weight. Not that it would have.

That's cool you finally got it. VIDEOS!!!! Come on. You can do it. Wally will buy ya a beer and a shot if you do.

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That would be awesome.....and put the video on youtube with some black metal in the background.

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Tempting idea. Soundtrack would have to be significantly less grim, though. Perhaps an Exodus song about killing people... which is most of them, really.

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And don't forget the Santa hat! You can't be metal without one.

See? The ole biddy has a good idea once in awhile. I'm probably done for the year now.

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Can't forget about their American politics song.

And don't forget to grunt and do a big "hyeeee!" while lifting it.

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KICK IN YOUR FACE! AND RAPE AND MURDER YOUR WIFE

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Call it "The Grunt Heard 'Round the World."

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I dont know if anyone has asked this but what do i need to do to gain weight.
i work out upper body almost everyday, i take protein shakes and creatine. but i still weight 155 and im 6 ft, no matter how much i eat im not gaining weight

I've heard this again and again and again and again and again and again.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I EAT, I'M NOT GAINING WEIGHT.

99% of the time, it's total shit.

I bet that if you wrote down what you ate for a whole week:

1) The meal timing would be wrong.
2) The meal composition would be wrong.
3) The total calories per day would not be over 2.5-3K

Forget about protein and creatine. They're useful, sure. But you have to get the FOOD part right first.

So, give us a typical day's eating. Let's break this down.

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"My brother says.. I eat too many chocolate bars."

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i was looking in the mirror at the gym the other day and holy fuck has my body changed from a year ago at this time


to anyone fat reading this thread get off your ass and do what we tell you, and you will not only live longer but you may actually enjoy your life too.


fatty.

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hahhaa, try this!

1-250 g of protein per day, including whey and food for the past 4-5 months, and I'm still roughly 165 pounds. I'm all muscle baby!

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150 to 250?

BIG FUCKING DEAL.

That's 600 to 1000 calories. If you're getting another 3000 every day and STILL can't gain weight, then we can proceed further in the conversation entitled 'I can't eat enough wah wah wah'.

From John Berardi, all-round awesome nutrition guy:

"Pretend you're back in high school and mean ol' Mr. Berardi has just passed out a pop quiz. Luckily, there's only one question:

Which of the following statements is true?

A) Most people succeed in training well enough to grow, but they fail in eating well enough to grow.
B) Most people eat well enough to grow, but they don't train well enough to grow.

Pencils down. Okay, which is it? If you said "A," give yourself a gold star. But don't feel too badly if you chose "B." To an extent, both answers are correct. Most people probably train and eat incorrectly! But if I had to pick one answer that was more true than the other, I'd say "A" would be the best choice. If you're not growing, it's probably your diet, not your training, that's holding you back. "

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Just got done with a PT test for Army crap.


We are scored for pushups in 2 minutes, situps in 2 minutes, and a 2 mile run.

I did 75 pushups, 78 situps, and a 15:10 2 mile run....I know I know..the run is slow. I'm really a great sprinter....but I hate distance running.

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awesome phil

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that's pretty fucking good.

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thanks guys. for standard scores it can go up to 300 ('standard'). I got a 273.

However, this is the cool part. If you exceed 100 in every event, (which is a 13:00 2 mile, 75 pushups and 80 situps for max for me) you can actually get like
a 320...350....whatever....but you have to max every event to go above 300.

I've seen some high ass PT scores before. Even know a few people that CAN and STILL DO run 2 miles at 10 minutes. ......scary shit.

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i wouldnt even be able to tell you what i ate its always different stuff.

what do i need to be eating and at what times

ive been lifting heavily (for me) every other day for two weeks and have noticed my left elbow getting worse and worse. it feels like theres a little connector in there that gets sore everytime i do anything using biceps..im almost positive it isnt form. i decided to not lift with steve today and infact not lift untill monday, when i plan on asking someone at the gym whats going on

just a small update i guess..

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Yeah get that checked out, and make sure you are taking vitamins and shit like that...


I did back today

Dead lifts
135x10
185x10
225x8
275x8

Lat pulldowns
180x10
200x10
220x16 (failure, the machine only goes up to 220)

Seated rows
180x10
200x10
220x14 (failure, same machine...)

O bar shrugs
135x10
155x10
185x15


Oh and one for FBS

Why the hell is my left tricep bigger than my right? I do dumbbell exercises with the same weight for each, yet when I flex my left tricep is noticably larger than the right

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HAHahaha, doesn't that suck....the machine doesn't go high enough!

That is happening to my biceps. I left is bigger than my right one.


Yo, phil....did those exercises count if you do them non-consecutively within those 2 minutes? I did 86 pushups in 2 minutes today, but I took 3 breaks.

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They probably work the same way as our tests. If you're doing situps, you can rest in the up position, but your hands have to stay folded on your chest, and if you're doing pushups, if either of your hands or feet come off the ground, you have to stop, and you can only rest in the up position.

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yeah im a bit antsy to find out wtf is wrong with it, or not, so i can continue on with lifting

sorry again for that cancelling



my biceps are the same (small) size :P but i have noticed that theyre longer on the inside than the outside

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How small? Mine are 14 and a quarter.

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You can place different emphasis on the inner/outer parts of your biceps based on your grip, doing standard barbell curls.

I used to have some joint problems with my elbows, but I just went pretty light with higher reps, and started taking glucosamine and chondroitin, and I don't have problems anymore...

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i didnt know that about grip. would it be further right on the dumbell in your right hand to lengthen the righter part of your bicep?

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yah, you can take breaks in between. I usually do between 50-60 (pushups) within the first minute...and the rest I just take my time doing them.

Situps its stupid to take breaks though, because you will lose your momentum.

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i physically cannot do a situp :P

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How the hell can you not do a situp?

If you want the emphasis on the outer part of the bicep, use a wider grip, and vice versa.

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7 vertebrae are fused together

edit


i had spine surgery, i dont talk about it much though. im not going to let that shit get any credit or use it to whimp out on shit. other than shit i physically cant do (situps, deadlifts, squats)

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Trans has titanium rods in his back. He may not be able to do a situp, but he can pull the rods out of his back and beat you with them.


My arms used to be exactly 15 inches ( I think ). But I'm 5'5" though.



If its still causing you pain, get it checked out!

im actually pretty scared of this huge magnet in my physics class... i always walk way the fuck around it

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Oh man,. You can't get MRI's either can you?

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Hmm, so Tranny's a retarded cyborg puppy. Interesting.

Just measured my arms. 17 inches. Heh, a half inch bigger around than my neck...

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Do you seriously have titanium rods inside you?
Are they there for life?
What happened that you need them?
Does it suck as bad as one would imagine?

Sorry for all the questions....it's really amazing though imagining foreign things in ones body and yeah....I just hit a bowl and am all....freaking out over this.

Wally, you're built like JJ Evans with less DYN-O-MITE!!!
Hey, do you remember that 3 legged dog we saw at Bartlett? You wanted to ask the lady if it's name was Tripod.

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