I wrote these quite a while ago.

Lying there bleeding your life is receding
The Reaper is near, Death's intervention you fear
Stabbed in the throat, on your own blood you choke
Hellish flames ignite your feeble soul
You've driven me insane with your
Necrotic skin in the pale moonlight
Yeah - Tonight you'll fucking die

Die

The smile on my face cannot be replaced
Your agony and torture are my only escape
The funeral moon is enreathed in mist

That's cool, but short and it feels unfinished, and "Death's intervention you fear" just feels forced and bad.

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that part i wasnt too fond of.. but it has good flow i think it's cool.. but it really feels unfinished. not because its so short, i just feels it. nice work, none the less

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The song is well over 7 minutes long, and vocals are sparse. It is certainly not the final product, but we are more concerened with the lyrics flowing with the riff than the actual lyrics themselves.

Picky me. Is that supposed to be "your" in the first line? It's pretty good, but for orginality I liked the last line the best in the whole thing. Good flow to it. And it doesn't have to be long if it gets the point across.From what you said it sounds like the lyrics are seconadary to the music so that's fine. Do you do vocals in it?

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I do the majority of vocals for my band. And I edited it, heh. The lyrics sound really good with the riff in my opinion. I will hopefully have a demo up here soon. I don't want bad lyrics, but yeah, the flow is more important.

Try doing something less cliche than getting emotional release from murdering somebody. Also, try not to remind people of Funeral Fog, although that might just be me.

For example, instead of mindlessly parroting what has already been done 999999999999999999999999 times before by bands preceding yours, write about something that actually matters to you. This would be my advice to almost everyone who posts lyrics here.

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but chris, then id end up writing songs about video games and chinese candy

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Well, hey, you can make it metaphor and we won't know what the heck you're meaning by it unless you tell us. And if you dont' we'll break your face, Ra--Tranny.

Chris R'-- You've said what I've been thinking about a lot of stuff. Even my own.

Fr'Soul-- When you do some other lyrics maybe try it from a different angle like you're someone else. From past experience with you that shouldn't be too hard. Think of a different era, country, or lack of and create something provacative. Think of being a different age or a different being.

You start somewhere, but don't stay on that plane or you'll burn yourself out. I'd like to read some of your other stuff, too.

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"...and I defeated the mighty Bowser,
destroyed his castle and regal towers.
Saved the princess, layed the pipe,
and then I took a shower."

That song has 'money' written all over it.

EDIT: or maybe...

"...and I defeated the mighty Bowser,
who immediately soiled his reptilian trousers.
I destroyed his castle and regal towers,
nailed the princess and took a shower."

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That second one was classic Chris.

yeah, i like the princess plot twist

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Ha ha gotta love super mario