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Old 2005-07-28, 00:51
BrokenCrimson's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Brisbane, Australia.
Posts: 1,023
Your Darkness Eternal (out with the weird, in wit the old)

This is actually a happy/sappy song, picture this with music along the lines of Insomnium or Dark Tranquillity. It's also for two vocalists.It's very wishy washy, so spew warning for the ones who can't stand that type of crap.

Vox 1 (Male?)
What do I have for you to offer
Except my lonely heart,
This twisted pain,
this everlasting sadness?
My love, you're tearing me apart...

What do I have for you to cherish,
Except my barren soul,
The ceaseless tears,
This neverending madness?
What made your heart so surely set on me?

Your Darkness Eternal
Is drawing me in
And you are everything to me,
Your Beauty Infernal
Intoxicating Me
I can't be anything for you...

Vox 2 (Female?)
What can I do to cure your heartache?
To mend your heart,
To dry your tears,
To put your soul together?
I would do anything, my heartbroken angel...

Why do you shy away and leave me?
Oh please don't go,
to me you are perfection
and I would spend eternity with you.

Your Darkness Eternal
Is drawing me in
And you are everything to me,
Your Beauty Infernal
Intoxicating Me
I would do anything for you...
I <3 12 year olds.
Old 2005-07-28, 01:08
L,B'XXX's Avatar
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
For as blatantly lovesick as this was I didn't think it was half bad. It could even be looked at from a differnt perspective as flirting with the afterlife if you had a little more in it that hinted that way. The first line sounds awkward to me. "What do I have for you to offer" would sound more logical as "What do I have to offer you ..." I understand what you mean and why you said it that way, but it sounds like the guy is figuring out what she can offer that he has himself. You could make this very appealling to "romantic metalheads" with the right music. Something very melodic, but driven.
My eldest son's bipolar website:

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Old 2005-07-28, 01:09
Kalmahswamp's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Naples, FL
Posts: 1,916
Kinda reminds me of something Norther would do.

I like it

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