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2005-07-19, 14:21
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Brisbane, Australia.
Posts: 1,023
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Tautology
Another piece for odd time signatures... I don't know why I wrote this shyte.
The butterflies in my stomach want out.
They send my whole body into convulsions.
I can smell your skin from a mile away,
and I'm starving, I'm empty,
like a vacuum, taking everyone in,
come to me, be here for me only,
let me slither unto you,
I am unsatiated, oh so unsatiated...
It looks like rasberry sorbet
and smells like iron and eggs.
I'm shaking, and withdrawal
is all they said it would be.
I want you, I'm hungry,
how difficult is it to walk?
Just turn thirty degrees to your left..
Yeah, that's it, just come...
I'm hungry, hungry...
You're oozing words out of your mouth
and I'm scared, because you're singing...
and I don't want to view you as a human.
You look at me like you're an insect
and you are anything that I could ever want,
more than I want, and I am salivating
and drowning everyone in sight
It looks like rasberry sorbet
and tastes like salt and milk
the purest of the foods,
such terrible convenience,
snapped open like a book,
I opened your ribs like a
newborn would open her eyes,
you satisfy me, you are filling,
Love you with all my hunger.
Love is hunger.
Hunger is love.
My hunger is hunger.
__________________
I <3 12 year olds.
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2005-07-19, 16:11
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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I don't know why, but I didn't like this too much. It almost sounded like you were trying too hard. Some of the imagery was okay, but it just didn't grab me as much as the other piece did.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2005-07-20, 07:18
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,136
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You write wierd stuff, Ms. Crimson, but I agree with Boobi on this one. It just didn't have a flow.
__________________
Worker bees can leave,
Even drones can fly away.
The queen is their slave.
www.maddox.xmission.com
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2005-07-21, 05:37
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Brisbane, Australia.
Posts: 1,023
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Heh, I just realised that, I've been playing around with a few ideas and I'll have to find a better way to put them together.
__________________
I <3 12 year olds.
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