Please, post your style of writing, whether you focus on how someone reeks after you gut them or the pain and anguish you go through as you rape your parents. fuck i dont know, post something though

i want to hear how other people write, Please... share your material, I'm looking for new ideas

one of my favorites, never had a name -

taste my edge, feel my power
hows it feel, your final hour
gasp and gag, no remorse
gasp and gag, ripped and torn
butcher you as i please, make you beg on your knees
one quick jab, and you lay
on your back, bruised - fileted
lick your lips, taste your flesh
cant feel pain? your a mess.
pain is gone, inseminate
procreate and mutilate

[i usually cut into a guitar solo with noah in this part for about 15-20 seconds]

clean you up, and your parts
you left a mess, im fucking starved
get the pots, and the pans
its time to feed one hungry man
eat your thighs, soaked in blood
lick your ass, and drink your piss
your rectal juice, flavored chum
soaked in shit, whats better than this?

Well, you rhymed and it was gross, but it sounded like a thrown together 13 year old's piece. Get something creative in it. All you did was an outline.

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If you ask me, the whole "cut you up and devour you" subject has become very cliched.

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yeah, a little bit, but i have a creative mind, ill figure somethin out

thanks for your input dudes

That's cool. Maybe take each thought or phrase in it and see if you can give it a little edge that makes it more unique. You'll develop a style in doing that, too. You've got a good orderly form going and your spelling and that kind of thing is good. You just need a good hook to it.

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Cool lyrics altough they almost make you wanna throw up....

or yawn. work on it and it will be good. altho im not the best songwriter myself

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....she never said she suffered from vertigo

This greedy slut will be the death of us all
(Not unless we get there first)
Her Blowjob smile brings tears to my eyes
And She enjoys the suffering we bring

She swallows paper money and spits out shit stained lies
Our human ashtray will bend over backwards to please you
At an hourly rate we scar her for life

Believe me when i say the silence can be filled
with the screams of the dying
As time runs out, its time for a new subject
We discard her like she would of wanted

She fall into the arms of the concrete below
And she has never looked so beautiful
Skyscrapers become deathbeds
And the laws of gravity becomes my ally and alibi....

Its a sort of grind/thrash song

What happened to your member?
Don't stress, it got thrown in the blender
Two parts human one part ice
A dash of vodka would be nice
Push the button, watch it spin
I drink smoothies to keep thin
You can have some, if you want
Before I cut out your mouth and eat your cunt

cho:
If you didn't have a cunt you couldn't piss
You couldn't piss my smoothie out
If you had no mouth
no consuming of anything for you

Some people like blueberry smoothies
I'd add your eyeballs but I want you to see
The perversion I act out before you
Shut up slut, i'll make you eat my poo
In the absence of eyeballs, personally
I'll just rip out the bitches' ovaries
Throw em in, a little more liquor
A little more ice, make that blade spin quicker

cho:
You still have your eyes so you can see
The rainbow of colors spinning round
Blender Kalidescope
Your torture is a form of art

bridge:
Women are in season
Pick them while they're ripe
Men are dumb
They're meat is tough and rotten
No beneficial use for society and famine

cho:
You still have your eyes so you can see
The rainbow of colors spinning round
Blender Kalidescope
Your torture is a form of art

Outro

Frog spinning
horrific hermaphrodite
id like some flesh
with a side of guts
RA RA RA
the sun god

haha...
gore lyrics are so fun.
i cant believe im putting my name on this shit
i did it while in one sitting, just now

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a'c'f'-- That sounded like it should be part of a concept thing ala Pain of Salvation-ish. I might change it a bit, but it's your piece.

Inhalant-- I hate to admit it, but as gross as parts of that were and as much as I dont' like that 'c' word it was morbidly humurous. It had that mad mixer kind of thing going on.

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[QUOTE=L,B'XXX]a'c'f'-- That sounded like it should be part of a concept thing ala Pain of Salvation-ish. I might change it a bit, but it's your piece.

QUOTE]

What would you change of it? It was just crap i put together just so i could post in the thread. If you would like to change it - by all means change it

Well, actually I'd just take out the word "blowjob" and either put another adjective there or leave it just "smile." Deceptive, seductive, shallow, paid for, would all work there very well. I like paid for best given the rest of the piece.
I thought ally was spelled wrong, but I asked the troops here and checked for myself and that's fine. I dont' think I've ever seen it other than a form using an "ie."

If you wanted to make it a concept piece, build some story before and after this piece. Think of it metaphorically about something if you want to. It's interesting and pretty well worded.

So that's what I think of that.

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cheers for the advice - i think i will try and put it into a song in a project band i have which is creating a concept album about daterape

cheers again

hehe...maybe i should take up gore poetry, but im no competition for the pros like mortician and exhumed....

-peace

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Well, let me put it this way. If Shel Silverstein wrote gore poetry I think it would be similar to what you wrote. He did some pretty off the wall stuff that wasn't in kid friendly books.

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hahaahahaha
AWESOME!