When I went to sleep last night Warne had just got 50.

It sucks when you have to rely on the tail enders to get the runs.
Looks like Australia has finally fallen off the horse.

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With the bad weather, I think this one could be a draw. We needed to bowl you out before you avoided the follow on, really. We're still likely to have a lead but I doubt there will be enough time for us to build on it and then take another 10 wickets.

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Lets hope that Ponting's rain dance continues to work

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Haha!

So what do you antipodeans think of your team? On the wane after 10 years of domination or just an inevitable dip in form before regaining invincibility?

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Talent just doesn't evaporate with age. All in all, I think the problem is they're bloody complacent. There was a significant degree of underestimation going on in the preparation before we started, and the batsmen are as a whole not doing very much. No-one in the order has made any solid contribution so far.

They haven't faced a proper pace attack like this for a good goddamn long time and they just weren't ready to play TEST CRICKET against it.

We're trying to score too quickly. It's all very well to race away to 400 or 500 straight away, but the pattern keeps repeating itself - established batsmen all over the place for between 20 to 40 to good balls they didn't respect, rather than chumpy shots. That, and our recent display of catching was just fucking fucked. It wouldn't have been the arse of 444 if they'd held even half of what they'd grassed on Day 1.

Obviously, they're having a shite run of injured as well. McGrath, Lee and Clarke have all been to hospital so far. Usually a team needs both its opening bowlers and best batsman in the first two tests.

The one other thing which is true but makes a bad newspaper story is the terrible shitheaded squinty-eyed decisions taking place. The umpires have been hoovering the Almighty Carpet of Gay regularly in all three tests to date. There is nothing worse than playing "yes-but-if" to figure out what might have happened if the decisions had gone the way they should have.

It is many things. I hope it gets better. English tourists in Australia are hard enough to bear as it is, the miserable noisy Neanderthal swine. The last thing they need is to start winning sporting events. Barmy Army my arse - just because it rhymes doesn't make it funny, you dickless crevice scrapings. One more football cheer and I'll be lighting a black altar candle while pissing on a knifed photo of your mothers.

In other news, I hate watching cricketers celebrate and bum each other on the pitch. No matter who they are. Every time I see some dickless mug whooping around like a coked-up redskin when wickets fall I get the urge to kick him in the crutch and stump-fuck his first-born. Cunts.

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HA! PIETERSEN OUT 1ST BALL!

Steve Bucknor is a cross-eyed fucking chimp. Martyn was just out to a pretty glaring inside edge onto his pads.

THIS IS VERY CRAP. I couldn't give a tinker's fuck if we lose or win, I just want to see the decisions ACTUALLY CORRESPOND TO WHAT HAPPENS. What is fucking wrong with those two utter dickheads?

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and now Martyn is most probably reported for disputing it. Something like that. I'm multitasking, watching TV & computering - kinda hard to see what went on.

Wicked. Hell of a draw.

With a bit more of the top-order playing like that consistent and thoroughly mature innings Mr. Ponting has just managed, and McGrath at full capacity, there is no reason for any of the woolly headed press despair about the imminent destruction of all our cricketers to be taken seriously. Obviously you cunts have the edge - five viable bowling options, and more in form batsmen.

In other news, Pietersen is starting to get nervous in the field. Silly boy. Great caption from SBS last night:

"KEVIN PIETERSEN: No catches in Test Match cricket (has dropped 5)"

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I went to sleep just after Ponting got his 100 runs.
Good on him for being a batsman in the top end and actually getting a few runs too.
It is especially good that we didn't just give up (and never have) at the prospect of needing over 400 runs in the final innings.

For some reason I always feel gratified in these draw situations in Cricket.

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I didn't think we'd knock you guys over in a little over a day. Those rained off 60 overs saved your bacon this time!

So far this has been one of the best test series I've ever witnessed - they've literally had everything. Fucking class.

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I can't remember the last time Australia were saved by rain in a test match versus England. Surely this must be a sign of the impending apocalypse.

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Tait's looking mighty fine. His bowling action is annoying to watch.

Fookin 'ell. 22-3 after about 30 mins, Australia are at the moment. Martyn wasn't even close to being out. Umps fail again.

Impending apocalypse indeed.

They are doing a fair bit better this innings.

155-3

ThAlthough the poms have been ravaging us, i think the real star for us is thr new kid - Tait. 3 wickets in his first test is quite good, and a lot better than Gilespie did.

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I've never seen England dominate Austrailia like we have in the last three days. Hopefully the Ashes will be residing at Lords for the next two years! The real test will be to see if we can extend our good form to the series Down Under in two years.

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Well, fucktardery strikes again. Katich fined 50% of his match fee for disputing the WORST LBW DECISION EVER at the most crucial time of the entire series. I am not going to piss and moan about this excrementing fuck again. I will simply sit here and sharpen a knife, over and over again.

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Fuck close games. Had to be up at 7am, stayed up until 3am watching it. I knew defeat was imminent but you have to admit, we put on a good show.

Oh, since this is a cricket related thread I'll share an email I just received. Not sure if you guys have seen it before.

"Great Cricketing Sledges
(note you don't need snow to go sledging)

1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had Been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I F*** your mother, she throws me a biscuit"

4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes during 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed:"You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."

5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad during 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards during a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k off."

7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"

8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"

9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*fing throat out."

10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you're fu*king useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".

11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

12. Ravi shastri v/s the aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't want to slander anyone ) shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"

13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

14. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.

15. There was one involving viv richards and Greg Thomas in a county match in England (also credited to ricky ponting to shaun pollock)
Thomas after viv had played and missed a few time holds up the ball for viv to see and calls out " It's red, round and weighs about five ounces."
Viv after he smacked it out of the ground, " you know what it looks like now you go find it".

Haha, those are all great!

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Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha fatty.

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Final 5-dayer starts tonight (Aus televised time). I'm wetting myself with anticipation.

Predictions anyone? McGrath in + Jones out = Englands downfall? Hopefully Hayden hits a decent score. Otherwise I fear this'll be this last test.

I predict a lack of sleep over the weekend!

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aye. Ditto.

Not long until it starts now. weeee.

With a little retrospect, it has been bloody close, hasn't it?

Hayden will score or go. I hope that will motivate the big-lipped Queenslander chump.

McGrath will be aware of how much his presence will mean, and should bowl accordingly.

Simon Jones will be in the dressing room, playing with himself, wearing a dress and crying.

With some RESPECTABLE UMPIRING, you'd have to say this one is a toss-up.

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Is Tait still in?
It will be interesting to see if the last one was just a fluke or if he can pull it off again.

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I'm not too keen on Tait, myself. He can bowl the odd ball with a touch of swing, or a yorker which is an absolute fucking ripper, but nothing much else impresses me. Lee does that anyway.

Why is MacGill NOT in? tsk tsk. Warne proves England aren't that snazzy with leg spin.

McGrath isn't looking that impressive either. He'll improve over the 5 days no doubt. 115-3 - England are. I think Australia have the edge.

This may well be a good juncture for me to perform a rain dance. Probably won't need to, though, as rain is predicted for tomorrow and Saturday. From what I hear it won't be enough to washout both days but it will be a disruptive influence similar to the drawn test.

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YES! YES! And we're bowling transition oveers with Katich on the first day! Argh and fuck! With a mind to win the test, one might think we'd be concerned with nothing but attack, and England are playing spin badly. None of the quicks have left a real gouge.

So what were the selectors thinking?

In other news, Flintoff is a vacant, vapid turd. I want to perform plastic surgery on him with a Stilson wrench. I am sick of close-ups of his head and the constant fawning clambering up and down his hairy diminutive pole. That being said, if one of those twatty commentators calls Shane Warne "The Maestro" one more time...

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Amazing how effective Warne has been on the FIRST DAY. Spinners take wickets, and we need to take 20.

As long as Warne keeps up his one-man parade. Doesn't look like anyone else is going to take many wickets.

If England end up with a total of around 400 for the first innings, it is game on.

Fuck yeah, Bowlin' Shane!

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"Shaggin' Warner!"

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Good grief! Langer did us a favour by taking the light yesterday. Bloody idiot, it's not like the Aussies need to win or anything...

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Yeah. All the papers today were having a big cry about that. If we end up not having enough time to bowl you lot out on the last day, there will be a shitstorm about that.

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OK, so, Australia have been all out for a total of about 30 seconds as I post this. 8 wickets for 86?!?! JESUS.

If Flintoff & uglycuntwho'snameescapesme are bowling like this (with help from the pitch I'm guessing) - I'm fucking hoping McGrath is going to do something special.

EDIT: Ugly cunt = Hoggard.

What a load of shit. The Poms get to bowl in those conditions and as soon as Warnie gets a wicket, out comes the light-o-meter thing. Bullshit.

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It's gamesmanship. They don't have to play, so they're not going to.

This match reeks of draw, and gay. Won't even get a chance to go down fighting.



I'm still right.



EDIT:

*RT Ponting c Strauss b Flintoff 35
DR Martyn c Collingwood b Flintoff 10
MJ Clarke lbw b Hoggard 25
SM Katich lbw b Flintoff 1
+AC Gilchrist lbw b Hoggard 23
SK Warne c Vaughan b Flintoff 0
B Lee c Giles b Hoggard 6
GD McGrath c Strauss b Hoggard 0
SW Tait not out 1

JUST WHAT WE NEEDED! YAY! CUUUUUNTS!

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It's down to the Aussies taking the light on the second day; once the first reading is made and the light taken, that is the measure by which all other offerings of the light are made. Channel Four interviewed Rudi Koertzen (umpire) after the initial decision today and he said they usually give spinners a bit more leeway, but that they decided the conditions where unfair on the batsmen as they could not see the ball coming out of the hand. Later on in the program, the official rule was trotted out and there was no mention of "unfairness" being a reason to offer the light. Usually it's only offered when there is an element of danger to batsmen or umpires involved.

What was strange about today was that the umpires told Ponting to get another spinner on at the opposite end to Warne and then almost immediately (I think Clarke only managed about 2 or 3 overs) offered England the light. It was a bit strange but I'm not complaining.

In review of the series as it enters it's final day, I don't think any of you Aussies can argue that England have not been the better team, which has surprised me and pretty much every critic over here. Geoff Boycott thought that we'd manage a test victory to the Australian's two so we have already surpassed his expectations. I have to admit, England have been fortunate with some of the decisions, but I feel that this is a factor of home advantage that has existed and will always exist in any sport, not just cricket.

I reckon this has been the best test cricket series that I have ever witnessed. People I know who previously detested cricket are now captivated by it and are genuinely rooting for England where in the past they'd be indifferent.

The performances of the players have been very impressive. Flintoff has emerged as the world's premier all-rounder, Warne has cemented his place as the best bowler who has ever lived and also batted well enough to be considered a genuine all-rounder. Lee has shown that he can control his line and length and Trescothick has finally joined the party against Australia to proved that he is one of the best openers in the world. I've been impressed by Michael Clarke - his fielding is exemplary and his batting has been solid for Australia. What a series!

My biggest disappointment has been the two 'keepers: Gilchrist and Jones. Glichrist has been solid behind the stumps but his batting has been nowhere near as explosive as I expected while Jones couldn't catch a cold. Ian Bell has also shown the England selectors that he is not ready for test cricket at the highest level yet. Sure he's scored two fifties, but the rest of his innings thus far have all been single figures if I'm not mistaken.

I'll say it again, though: what a series!

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FUCKING PIETERSEN! I knew he'd be our downfall. I knew right from the goddamn Lords test he'd be a cunt to get out.

Game ain't finished yet, tea break with him on 105 n/o or something. Gotta get up early for work, but 5 hours sleep will do me. I need to see the finish*. If we grab 3 quick wickets, play one-day style, whip Gilchrist up the order (ie. open with Hayden) and get him to fire, we can still win. But in reality the game, this series, this generation is over. I know we can get the runs, the side is quite capable, but the likelihood of a successful 4th innings run chase of over 200+ is very, very unlikely.

Overall, the Poms have played the much better series. From the start, I never would have dreamt any side beating Australia as comprehensively as this. The results don't necessarily reflect on the performances - England have clearly been the winner here. Their batting has been most impressive. That fancy swing bowling crap annoys me. Fuck that off.








* England celebrating.

WEEEEEEEEEEEE WOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN! haha

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Erm, wa-hey?

Pfft. yeah, typical. Come in here and start a discussion after the series is over.

More thoughts:

1) Writing the Australian team off is wrong, stupid and gay. The whole 'aging team' phenomenon is complete crap for a multitude of reasons.

2) This series has been an excellent lesson in how careful preparation and planning win games. Vaughan, as much as his pinched chin makes him look like an inbred dog, has an excellent cricket brain behind his hideous mug. Most batsman's dismissals were very well planned for. Quite impressive.

3) Likewise, in our case, a lack of decisive leadership on the field can fuck up a side even with the most ridiculously talented players. Some of our field settings were silly. Some of the bowling plans were silly. And as a whole, some of the individual performances were SHITHOUSE. Australia needs one or two more frontline bowlers with elite-level performances in them.

4) Shane Warne is an abject dickhead. A big bloated fat spoilt child of a man who would stick his stubby little penis in a warm cantaloupe at the first inclination of a come-on. The fact that he can ignore all that, and STILL be the best bowler in the world, is quite uncanny.

5) Luck has its oar in here too. Too many fucking dodgy things happened in this series for my liking. Some of the umpiring in the middle three tests was pretty shocking. While not uncommonly bad, this is the oldest, most famous and most important series in existence. Aleem Dar should be sent back to the local municipal oval to cast his shitty cross-eyed judgement on 4th Grade teams full of people called Barry and Waz. Also, I hear the ICC is meeting to discuss your unpleasant little tactic of using substitute fielders. Well and good. Snaky cunts, aren't you?

6) At least now I can get some sleep. The cricket was going until 3am here, you know.

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Anyone hear about the headline on English papers before the final day? 'It's not over until the fat lady spins'. har har.

3) Yeah, I'm not agreat fan of Ponting as captain. It's safe to say that if Warne could've kept the little fella in his trousers for the past 10 years then he would be captain.

5) Luck certainly played a part, but both sides copped a few steaming heaps of manure from the umpires. Unfortunately, it's a fact of sport that the home team tends to hold more sway over the umpires.

Re: the substitute fielders, every team in world cricket tries to get a 12th man that is the best possible fielder available and I see nothing wrong with it. However, Ponting had issues with the frequent toilet breaks that the English bowlers took. I can sort of see his point but, hmmm, I don't know... short of actually following the guy in to the toilet and wiping his arse, it's hard to prove that the bowler didn't need to go. We'll see how it pans out.

Fucking best series ever though, regardless of the result.

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His penis or his mobile phone?

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Both.

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why is everyone bashing flintoff for getting drunk?
i heard a hour long converstion on 5 live/talksport about it.

if i had just won the ashes for the first time in 18years i would get more than just drunk.

if you asked the population if they minded freddy getting drunk after winning the ashes 5 months ago, the response would be
5% yeah sure, if we win the ashes ill personally buy them all a drink or ten
20% who is flintoff? what happened to botham/gooch/boycott
75% whats cricket?

now, that 75% seem to have found out what cricket is, and in there outrage that the cricket team are getting drunk, completely forgotten about how drunk most footballers get celebrating the fact that they put their boots on the right feet again.

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My dad used to drink with Ricky Ponting (he sunk beers at the local pub around here) and he used to fling chairs around like a madman.

I'm sure Flintoff got drunk for free. He'll be getting drunk for free until the next Ashes series.

Speaking of Freddie, we'll have to put up with him all over again during the Rest of the World matches. Shitty thing is, we'll have to get out Sehwag, Dravid, Lara, Tendulkar, Kallis, and Flintoff in the Test side. Then contend with Muralitharan, Harmison, Flintoff and Pollock in the bowling department. ODI side is pretty much the same except Pietersen is included. UGH.

Well, I think we can almost dispel the talk that Australia are on a serious decline. Gilchrist just scored the fastest ODI century in Australia, and the fastest ODI century by an Australia in history. Not to mention he's now ranked #1 in the ODI player rankings. And we're beating a side absolutely FULL of stars.

No reverse swing on these pitches.

Must have been that the Poms rigged their shitty pitches against us!

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It's a combination of things. Looks damn fine, doesn't it?

It was fun watching Flintoff get monstered. Holy mother of sputum, they really took to him.

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What about the upcoming SIX day test? With Austrailia in this sort of form we'll be lucky to see three full days...

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Perhaps not. Some new in-form batsmen, a Sydney pitch & crowd, the SCG (with real boundaries), and a violent and complete arse-raping of the Rest of the World... many things could go right.

Oh, and Graeme Smith as Captain of the World? Piddle.

Woah.

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Who says we're getting old?

"Crushed to fuck" is the term that comes to mind.

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Hayden > all