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2005-06-13, 02:22
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Aye Mak Sicur
I was alright for a lifetime so,
Every day brought yet another blow.
I'm so fucking hard, like a sheet of steel
I returned without a mark or scar to reveal.
With persona battered and a mind so sharp,
No feelings left in this stone heart.
Like a plain white collumn in an all white room,
I could go on forever, observing with gloom.
Then it all changed and this existence denied,
I was tricked to love by a witch with human hide.
Little did I know that she'd open my eyes,
Down upon me fell the blood red skies.
Disguised as my light but stolen away,
Dispair and regret, confused in dismay.
I wondered why you suddenly went out,
Darkness pervades and my head filled with doubt.
I couldn't believe I was tricked again.
My life was fucked up and trashed, but then -
I packed it up like I have many before,
To my body and soul I close the door.
To those in the room with an all white disguise,
I don't expect you to empathize.
To those yet to make the mistake I did so,
Learn from the man with a heart made of stone.
Last edited by Infinity : 2005-06-13 at 05:42.
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2005-06-13, 05:24
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,136
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Infinity
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I'm so fucking hard, like a sheet of steel.
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I found the true meaning! Do I get a prize? 
I think you might have meant "which" instead of "witch". Had a good flow and rhythm. Seems like you were getting something off your chest.
__________________
Worker bees can leave,
Even drones can fly away.
The queen is their slave.
www.maddox.xmission.com
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2005-06-14, 00:12
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Tulvox
I found the true meaning! Do I get a prize?
I think you might have meant "which" instead of "witch". Had a good flow and rhythm. Seems like you were getting something off your chest. |
You're high, dude. j/k How could he mean "which" there used the way the sentence is phrased? It wouldn't make sense then.
I thought it sounded really cool. I liked all the imagery you had and it was balanced well. Great meter to it, too. It would be cool to recite this with a musical backdrop.
Nice job. Very enjoyable.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2005-06-14, 10:47
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HES BAAACK
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: slaying all the giants
Posts: 9,967
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its good, but doesnt anyone here right choruses?
__________________
www.myspace.com/crownedmusic
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j136/transient_shirts/Banner.gif
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2005-06-14, 17:41
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,136
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I find it hard to write choruses that aren't cheesy. L,B'XXX wrote something with a chorus a while back.
__________________
Worker bees can leave,
Even drones can fly away.
The queen is their slave.
www.maddox.xmission.com
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