Loosing faith inside my eyes.
Hearing the screams and all the cries.
Nothing can save me from my terrible fate.

Burning embers inside his eyes.
Terrible screams get louder with his every stride.
Fear is now on my side, adrenaline pumping and I’m running.
Nothing can save me from my terrible fate.

He appears at the end of the dark desolate place.
Lost souls chase me as I fall deeper, deeper in his layer.
Falling faster, and faster. Loosing my grip.
The place turns darker and darker, my faith changing quickly to fear.
Loosing faith knowing nothing can save me from my fate.

As I reach the end, I stand on a sea of heads.
Screams and pleads, leave from their mouths.
Running faster and faster, I try to escape this helpless state, hoping this is a dream and wanting to wake up.
The waves clasp while I’m runing, sucking me under.
Knowing nothing will save me from my fate.

Passing out knowing there's no way out of my hellish state.
The smell of brimstone opens my eyes, i pinch myself hoping im dreaming a lie.
The time of judgement has arrived, nothing happens i soon begin to cry.
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, "too late for that," i hear.
This is the path i chose, the deeds i did, the things i said.
Knowing nothing will save me from my fate.
THE END!
no real rhyme sceme but it still has a nice ring to it
OFR 6/11/05

Okay, I liked the general idea of this, but I think it needs soe work. I'll probably have to do this in multiple posts because of my posting problem, but I'll try to hit it all.
The first verse was fine. "terrible fate" is border cliche, but acceptable.

In the 2nd one-- The only thing I'd change is the 1st "terrible" since you use that in the last lines of stanzas so often. "Piercing" would fit nicely I think. Just an idea.

In the 3rd-- The last couple lines have the word "faith" in them both. The first one I might change to hope or assurance.

4th--The first 2 lines were so unexpected that I really grabbed on those. Great unique nightmarish imagery there. I absolutely loved those lines. The 3rd line could be shortened so it's not so long. I think the main idea there is
Running, I try to escape this helpless state. i suppose the dream part could be added, but the whole piece sounds so much like a vivid nightmare I think that's eluded to. The rest of that verse is fine.

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5th-- I don't think "Passing out" lives up to the aura that's in the piece. I had a problem with that in someone else's piece a couple years back because it stuck out like a sore thumb. He deliberately left it in just to mess with my head. All in good fun though. But anyways, losing consciousness, succombing, collapsing, would all work there.
I also think that because of the length of the lines it could be made into 2 stanzas like this. None of the rest of the wording needs changed, but I think I'd add "terrible" in the last line just to round off where it's said in the beginning. It brings it full circle better.

Passing out knowing there's no way out of my hellish state.
The smell of brimstone opens my eyes,
i pinch myself hoping im dreaming a lie.
The time of judgement has arrived,
nothing happens i soon begin to cry.

Nowhere to run,
nowhere to hide,
"too late for that," i hear.
This is the path i chose,
the deeds i did, the things i said.
Knowing nothing will save me from my (terrible) fate.

Nice one though. It would be cool as a song or a poem.

i fell asleep with that slayer cd, hell awaits. so thats the inspiration. it was freaky.

So you dreamed it? I wonder if it was because of what you heard before you fell asleep or from subliminal messages after you were sleeping. That would be an interesting experiment with different people.

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there's subliminal messages in stairway to heaven same with plent of christian rock people as funny as it may sound. i listend to it backwords and spit soda all over my monitor, well on the ground. i usually try and fall asleep with music on, usually march(dont ask why), or classical. somtimes i fall asleep with the ocassional trash/speed. it just depends on the mood the song has. if there are augumented chords/ tritones then ur bound to have dreams about scary stuff....ect..... u get the point right.
thanks for the input. yea i dreamed it too. pretty crazy huh?
u should try the music thing. http://www3.telus.net/jefmil/stairwaybackwards.htm check this out

i could send u a sample of my dreams i write in songs(insturmental) i just need to know ur e-mail. i try to describe every moment of my life. death, love...ect...

I'll pm it to you. That sounds cool.
I knew some of those songs had backmasking. I think there's a couple Pink Floyd songs and ELO had one too. ELO's was a wish for peace around the world or something to that effect. The PF one was an operator giving a phone number for Old Floyd from what I remember. It's been a lot of years since I played around with a reel to reel listening to that stuff. The interesting thing about them is if you don't have certain inflections in your speech they don't sound the same and disappear. I think the most famous one besides the STH one is from "Revolution 9" on the Beatles White Album which was supposed to be Paul dying in a car wreck.

I was talking to someone about the Floyd song "When the Tigers Broke Free" today and he asked me a couple questions about it. I did some research and found a dynamite website analyzing it. I've only touched the surface reading it, but I'm going to rewatch the video. That particular song is more amazing than I originally thought. It sounds like Waters' writes similar to what you've described.

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I saw a website with some backmasking on it a while back. One was a song by Yoko Ono that said "I shot John Lennon". But, you have to wonder, if the didn't tell you what to listen for, would you hear any messages at all? (Besides the intentional Pink Floyd ones.)

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