'Untitled'
I see your face,
I want it to bleed,
bleed the sorrow you have bestowed on me,
bleed the sorrow you have inflicted,
just bleed.

I want you to feel my fucking pain,
feel what you have done,
dont you see?
see what you have done?

(you) made me sadistic,
made me a murderer,
made me a rapist,
made me a felon in my own mind.

What did i do wrong?
Nothing.
So?
Ofcourse, nothing can be perfect.

(you) made me sadistic,
made me a murderer,
made me a rapist,
made me a felon in my own mind.

The man you have once loved has gone insane,
this man wants you to bleed.

MY FIRST POSTED LYRICS! YAY!

Ah the classic "I want my ex to die" theme. It's kinda ok but then it;s cliche and not fun. WHEAR IS TEH GORE?

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Hmm, maybe "Temporary Insanity" would be a good title. You didn't say the character was feeling this way towards others so I'd say it would be safe to call it that. Just a thought.
Parts were a bit overdone, but maybe taking those a step further in thought could bring a little more imagery in it. Most of it really wasn't that bad, but the 4th part just didn't seem to hold up to the rest. Maybe really verbalize feelings in that part. You can still keep it in a rant of sorts, but give more meat and taters to bite into there.
Or maybe use the second part as the first for an intro and then use the first one for the 4th.
It's not bad for a first though. You have a good flow going on so that's very good.

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