2005-05-29, 11:28
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Ooo, someone isn't a happy camper. There's only one word I dont' like and maybe it's personal preference but I'd change "shards" to splinters of glass. Shards sounds like larger pieces of a window, but to me, splinters sound like fragments that are everywhere and extrememly hard to remove or avoid.
I'm not real keen on using 'bad words' in pieces, but there's exceptions. This was one. And it could be taken seriously or humorously so that's a big plus. Good flow and wording. I loved the way you ended it too. Fed up and sputtering mad.
Nice one.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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