Gawth metal lyrics for all of ya to kill...
1. BC is having one of those angsty times in her life, so these are ANGSTAY
2. I am working on forming a goth/doom metal band. Go me. So, I'm writting lyrics like a mad cow.

(Verse 1)
Turned my eyes skywards
Just looking for a sign
But tonight, the patterns of
The stars are chaos to me.

Reached up for light and
hit the cold, dark space
Reached down for shelter,
hit the glowing centre of the earth.

(pre chorus)
The compass,
in my shaking hands,
Is pointing nowhere,

(Chorus)
I fell over backwards,
and now I'm cold.
I see no star to guide me,
no salvation.
Will you be my compass,
Just for one night?

(Verse 2)
I watched you waltz through
these concrete spaces
and tried to follow, alas,
you're the superiour dancer

(break)
When you are going nowhere,
Each step is one step towards death,
So, will you be my compass?
Just for one night...

(chorusx2)

__________________

Good stuff. None of it made me cringe. The only word I'd change if I was going to change one is 'death' towards the end. It sounds a little melodramatic, but I guess if it's goth/doom it would work. Nice imagery in it. Good flow. You did well.

__________________

Well, I had issues with the use of that word too, but it fit. When you are going nowhere you are just getting older, and therefore closer to death. I'd change it given the chance, but alas, that would be bastardisting the meaning of the song.

__________________

Just for curiosities sake I looked up 'death' in the thesaurus. Mortality, necrosis, extinction might not be bad there and would get the death thing across without saying the word death. Just a thought. It's your piece.

__________________

Mortality is the ability to die, and it's quite obvious that the narrator is not immortal. Necrosis is the death of cells through injury and not natural death of age, and the death in question is a natural one. Putting extintion in there would make it look like I'm avoiding the word death and it won't fit in seamlessly. I thought Eternal Sleep but then realised that saying this would remove the possibility of an afterlife, and I'm not overloading this song by making statements like that, yet I don't want to make statements that declare that there is an afterlife either. I'm thinking decease, but that's a verb and not a noun. GAH. The End maybe? But that makes it sound too final and elliminates afterlife...

__________________

I'm kind of confused from the last couple statements about afterlife. Are you just saying you don't want to elude to whether or not there is an afterlife in the piece? That's the impression I'm getting. That's fine. Maybe you'll wake up in the middle of the night and the right word will come to you and it will be perfect. I've had that happen before. I just thought I'd throw out a few ideas. Thanks for the further explanation.

__________________