Lying in the bed of razors
the ritual takes place
the flames of hell shoot from the ground
as you witness the mass discrace

the tortured body crimson red
lying in the razor bed
the bleeding soul inside the torn man
awaits its final death

rise the sword above thy head
decapotate the man on the razor bed
the soul rises from the dead
and off into the sun

the deed is done
the ritual has begun
the beasts feast apon the flesh
now youve witnessed cerimonial death

I bet this was inspired by Children Of Bodom's Bed Of Razors, because I can see similarities.

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Actually it wasnt. I love children of bodom, but ive never heard that song. i didnt even know they had a song called bed of razors. i actually had slayers Criminally Insane stuck in my head when i wrote this one.

The idea isn't bad, but your rhyme scheme is all over the place. I didnt' pause to relook at it til I got to the verse with 3 -ed lines in it. That was a bit much and the razor line was the one that made me relook the whole piece over. I think you could tidy it up. The flow of thought was good and most of the lines were uniform.

Maybe for that one verse--
rise the sword above thy head
Swift (or slow, whichever your preference) decapitation
the soul rises from the dead
and off into the sun

I think I'd lose the 'thy' there, too.
Just thoughts. Good metal lyric, btw. I can hear it really heavy and growled.

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