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Old 2005-05-02, 21:53
sqol's Avatar
sqol
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,841
untitled as yet (im afraid)

collide like mountains,
our passion disagree.
tenderhooks wild,
but yet you don't weep.

tears pour from emotion,
noting held back.
your eyes do deceive,
your eyes turn to black.

memories just images,
behold no more.
erased by you,
memories forlorn.

the breeze of the summer,
far away from delight.
a solemn figure stands,
and days bleed from plight.

impossible reasoning,
your brutal approach.
hand breaks from hand,
heart breaks from heart.

sqol/Oli 05-2005

Last edited by sqol : 2005-05-02 at 22:00.
 
Old 2005-05-02, 23:45
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
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Posts: 8,881
I read it and re-read to see how you worked the rhyme scheme. It worked to not have it at the beginning and end. I liked the flow in it a lot. Imagery was cool, too. Nice as a song or a poem.
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Old 2005-05-07, 10:30
Kylito
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Join Date: Feb 2005
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Posts: 868
That was a cool shifting rhyme scheme. You should call it "Your Brutal Approach".

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