This is my first attempt to write some lyrics, and everything I write feels like it's been done before =/ However, it's about my brother that passed away a year ago....

Give me some feedback plz

ye ...forgot, it's supposed to be "death-style" vocals

Bite it down

In the back of my head I know it’s wrong
I feel so much remorse
for what’s been said and done
But I can’t take it back
I would if I could
It hurts as hell
Bite it down
Bite...

Feel the pain
Embrace the pain
Love the pain
Hate the pain
Bite it down
I Bite it down
Bite..

The pain have crushed my brain
I have nothing more to gain
I resist the urge
to go down
Down to the land of the drowned
Drowned angels of sorrow

My soul is dead
Why take this shit
My body feels like dirt
It hurts so fucking bad

Feel the pain
Embrace the pain
Love the pain
Bite it down
I Bite it down

The anger in me reduces my fear
I bite down and feel the end is near
I live where the drowned angels dwell
It feels like another day in hell
I’m living on borrowed time

I can’t go back
To the life we had
I don’t even have what it takes to be sad
It hurts so bad to be the one left

But I bite it down

Why ...
Why did You have to die
Feel
Embrace
Love
Hate ...the pain
Bite it down
I Bite it down

Bite it down
I Bite it down
Bite it down
Bite...

The only thing I saw that I'd change was the first line of the third part. Instead of "have" it should be 'has."

I would not touch a piece this personal. It's a pouring of your feelings and not something to be critized. However I would say that I think it would make an excellent song. I keep thinking on the lines of Pantera. There's enough uniqueness to it that it balances the feelings of loss common to many people. We're all human beings so it's common that some of the same feelings will be written. I think you did an excellent job with this since its a feeling people can relate to, but yet you've personalized it.
I'm very sorry about your brother. My condolences.

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Thanks man ... =)


I will keep trying with my lyrics ... maybe post my next one here too

Tje slowstah! Första gången är lättast! Sedan adderas ngt som kallas prestationsångest :P Hehe

Måste testa några fula ikoner

its kinda nu metal, but its pretty good. It would probably go good with a realy fast riff. sorry about your brother.

Haha, L,B'XXX is an old lady.

It's funny how you are from Sweden and you made that "has"/"have" mistake. Daniel Gildenlow of Pain of Salvation makes the same mistake on "Idioglossia" on The Perfect Element 1 album. And, of course, he is from Sweden. I even believe he teaches English!

nice work man
I was just wondering why you did this in english and not swedish?

oh and by the way lbxxx is a women not a guy

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Gildenlow has better grammar, writing skills, and a better vocab than most American bands' lyrics. Hell, he has better grammar, writing skills, and a better vocab than most Americans

That's probably because he learned textbook English instead of learning it through general conversation. When I took Spanish many moons ago, Sr. Barnum gave us grammarically correct textbooks, but he taught us mainly conversational because he said that was what we'd be using more of should we need to use it.
I have a Swedish friend I've helped with English grammar for about 3 years now. He's a songwriter at my main hang-out. But that's one of the things that usually comes up when i look over his lyrics, too.
Silly guy wanted my phone number again last night. He and his bandmates called one night and I talked to them and they played and sang one of their old songs that I like over the phone. He was so loaded though he didn't remember the next day! He's cool as heck though. Love him to pieces. The band's name is Ventil.

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I loved it.
Also can feel it too.

Thanks for sharing that with us.

slowster, hearing of all that biting and seeing your avatar kind of made me grin.

Instead of bite... I like it.. use Lay?

hahahaha.

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'my first time'
i thought it was gunna be a song about doin' it. not too bad.

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Haha wen i saw this link from the main page yesterday it said Powers' was the last poster, so i assumed it was posted by Powers' about his first time

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not my kinda stuff, so i won't say much except:-

the smilie you used for the topic title is cool.

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Haha, you really think I'll write a poem about my first time?
It was pretty uneventful sex, and I was drunk....

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Trust me. It gets better with age.

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i concur with that statement, it does get better over time, now on to the poem

im gonna have to go with what L,B'XXX said, just change the have to has and youll be fine. its deep shit, its about an emotion, it doesnt have to be filled with giant descriptive words or anything, it works well as is.

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