then i advise you don't click on this.



this aims to create atmosphere for depression, to help find out why your depressed and help get it cured, or simply terminate your own worthless life. think "hvit lyset tar oss." the song's called "questions."

why does my heart feel so bad?
why is it all gone, all i once had?
what is the pointin living beyond this night?
when my woes can die with me, the end in sight?
what am i really living for?
when my troubles can hit the floor?
is this really what i want in the present?
when my birth is the thing that i most resent?
who will remember me when i'm dead and gone?
as the world walks over my soul
i'm an invisible by-stander, a passer-by
as my tears run completely bone dry

i don't know what more i can do
i'm not special, i'm finished, i'm through
darkest or brightest day of my life? pondering my suicide note
as the last of the whisky washes the 100th painkiller down my throat
darkness i feel as my stomach hurts and my wrists bleed
let my time come quickly, the end is my need
so i die, alone from start to self-inflicted end
it had to be done, i could no longer pretend

i could no longer get up and get shat on by life
i no longer endure betrayal and cover-up of strife
no more is my pointless existence rife
ended stereotypically by pills and a knife
my shadow no longer creeps the walls sadly
my brain no longer causes me to weep madly
i will never know if my whole life was a cunt
or if it was merely antipodean and back to front

for i am gone into eternity now
i hoped one day i'd never have to make that vow
but i am away now
who.....
will....
notice.......

You had me so up and down with this piece it wasn't even funny. The first line screamed cheesy teen angst, but then it got better, then back down the tubes, then better, then plop in the commode. I didn't like where you tried to rhyme present/resent. It just didn't work. You could say that a little differently and get a couple other to rhyme there if you feel that's necessary. The -ife rhymes sounded forced.
If anyone took 100 pills they'd be barfing up the lining of their stomach. The body would reject that big time. And the wrist slitting isn't a fast way to go.

I'd keep the first part, but the only salvageable parts from the end to me are--

let my time come quickly, the end is my need
so i die, alone from start to self-inflicted end
it had to be done, i could no longer pretend

and--

my shadow no longer creeps the walls sadly
my brain no longer causes me to weep madly

and maybe--

for i am gone into eternity now
i hoped one day i'd never have to make that vow
but i am away now
who.....
will....
notice.......

If you want to give credibility to something like this you have to be very careful because it's one of the biggest teeter-totters there is. You obviously have the skill to create some imagery I think you just need to dig a little deeper to make it more unique to you.

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hmmm, thanks for the feedback. yeah it was actually a really crappy whinge-fest poem to be honest, and it doesn't deserve any credibility. this one's definitely not for artists but i probably should have stated that one as well. oh well, thanks again for feedback