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2005-02-16, 18:24
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: on the sunny side of hell,,,,,,,texas
Posts: 832
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a rose to the dead
this is my first song ive ever written,its about my best friend.
breathe out the lies,
this world is encased with flames.
i want to give you all thats in my heart,
but your heart bleeds the darkest blood.
day by day you kill yourself,
your upon your open grave.
i give a rose to the dead
underneath your dead body,
there is still a life.
i desire the appsince of death,
i desire a soldier fallen for life.
the dead bury there own dead.
your heart bleeds black.
i hold your hand in your grave.
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2005-02-16, 20:51
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I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
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Ahhh, I love lyrics/poems that combine roses with hate and/or the dead.
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.
 
This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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2005-02-18, 15:14
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Type O sounding. I read this a few days ago and wasn't sure I liked all the 'd' sounds in the second verse but it's okay. I think you should go on with it. It's not bad for a first. Care to share your inspiration?
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2005-02-22, 17:37
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: on the sunny side of hell,,,,,,,texas
Posts: 832
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well my inspiration is my friend,whos not saved (this song is a christian song) and so its all about him really.
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2005-02-22, 18:36
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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That sheds some light on it.
The first verse is about how there's so much sin in the world that it's like it's surrounded by flames? Yet you want to share what you know to save them from total death?
But then in the next part I'm wondering if " underneath" is the right word there. Is it under or would it be inside the other person? I suppose either could work actually. Maybe it's a just a personal preference I'm thinking. The word 'appsince'--is that supposed to be absence? (Good grief! I spelled it wrong about 6 times looking it up myself! ha!)
I'm wondering about the line count. Did that one midway go with the previous verse? Actually I was thinking that line about the rose would be cool at the end of the second verse also, but then you'd have to either add another to the first verse or lose one from the last.
I'd still like to see more to this. I was looking through some of the Christian genres today and was quite intrigued by the amount of heavier rock ones there are. That's really cool though because music has no bounds. Only what we impose on them.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2005-03-03, 00:38
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Braidwood, IL in the U.S.A.
Posts: 200
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Cool, but what is appsince?
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