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Old 2005-01-17, 03:03
ImmortalHate
Metalhead
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 50
I just wrote this because I was bored

Here's a song i wrote the other night when I was bored. My friends seem to have liked it and my brother said it sounded like something Borknagar would write. Any criticisms are welcome.

The path that is laid before you,
is built from dreams and broken promises.
Remnants of prayers and ashes of memories,
strewn about, lighting the way.

What you know and what you don’t
co-exist for one sole purpose.
to hinder your journey,
And to make everything unclear.

If you can look beyond these,
to mountains of certainty,
you will see they are topped
with the most profound sense of joy.

Bridges of reliance,
built over rivers of trust.
Valleys of faith,
a cornucopia of elation.

Escape from normality,
Rapture from formality,
born anew within the flames
into the most promising aspect of life.

It is not the end of a beginning,
nor the beginning of an end,
but the beginning of an eternity
of the quintessence of tranquillity.

~Quintessence of Tranquillity
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Old 2005-01-17, 11:36
Chris Rezendes's Avatar
Chris Rezendes
Attorney at Bird Law
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Alone here, with emptiness, eagles, and snow...
Posts: 3,567
Quote:
Originally Posted by ImmortalHate
Here's a song i wrote the other night when I was bored. My friends seem to have liked it and my brother said it sounded like something Borknagar would write. Any criticisms are welcome.

The path that is laid before you,
is built from dreams and broken promises.
Remnants of prayers and ashes of memories,
strewn about, lighting the way.

What you know and what you don’t
co-exist for one sole purpose.
to hinder your journey,
And to make everything unclear.

If you can look beyond these,
to mountains of certainty,
you will see they are topped
with the most profound sense of joy.

Bridges of reliance,
built over rivers of trust.
Valleys of faith,
a cornucopia of elation.

Escape from normality,
Rapture from formality,
born anew within the flames
into the most promising aspect of life.

It is not the end of a beginning,
nor the beginning of an end,
but the beginning of an eternity
of the quintessence of tranquillity.

~Quintessence of Tranquillity


I thought the whole thing was above average except for the second to last line, which I think should read "but the middle of a eternity", I think it would be an interesting perspective to look at it as if the focal point of the poem didn't start the eternity, he just stumbled upon it. Something like middle of an eternity or undefined moment in an eternity I think would work nicer. That's just my personal opinion. Even with that line left alone, it's still pretty good work.
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Old 2005-01-17, 18:19
ImmortalHate
Metalhead
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 50
Thanks for your opinion. What I was kind of trying to go for with these lyrics was kind of a life-after-death scenario, like this land of peace and tranquillity. But you brought forward an interesting point. I like these lyrics because they are open to so many different interpretations. But I will definitely take into account your opinion.
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