This thread is about all the stupid things us guitarisms that happen to us through the years, and all the stupid jokes you've heard.
For instance
How do we lose all of our guitar picks and they never turn up anywhere?
That strange sound coming out the amp sounded a lot like the oven pilot.
Who ruled out stairway from being played anyway?
Hey guys check out this Pyramid-retrogrademotion-inverted-Atlantian scale.

One bad one that someone told me was something like

How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
Give them some notes to read.

I meant to do that.

i can read sheet music so that doesnt work

how many guitarsit does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5, one to do it and the other 4 to stand around and say "pfft i can do that"

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Yo' mama so stupid, you told her you needed a pickup so she cleaned your room.

Tell the punk guitarist that after the G power chord is the H power chord and correct him that what he is playing are called R-chords not bar-chords.

That kind of works for some of us though. 'Cause for some stupid reason parts of the world have decided to say a C major scale is CDEFGAH instead of CDEFGAB...
Burn!

Not about guitarists really, but....
What do you call that guy who can often be found hanging out with the musicians in the rehearsal room?
A drummer.

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haha, thats awesome.

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phff duh

Attached Images

squeer.jpg (38.8 KB, 296 views)

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-what did the guitarist say to the person that started this thread?
-eat shit and burn in hell, this thread sucks my left nut.

-This thread sucks so much that..... Andrew1331 is actually taking the time to read all of it then post his own reply on how much the thread sucks

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its true. its really true

This is the only funny joke in this thread, and it's awesome.

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you know the squeer strat owns though, sQUEER

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Didn't the German classical composers come up with that? It's used in russia too.

when I first started playing I took the tremolo bar (strat type guitar) and I didn't know you where supposed to push it down I just thougt you should pull it up (in the direction of your head) so I screwed it in so tightly that I broke it...

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What does a guitarist do when he's tired?





He sweeps!

Yeah, one of the explanations I've heard is that some german monk was writing some stuff about music, and he misread a 'b' for an 'h'. I don't know if I want to believe that though.

It's bloody annoying, cause if H is what americans call B, then what an american would call Bb (B flat) is called B. So whenever someone asks for a B (chord or note), you have to ask "B or Bb?".

[edit]
yay, this is my 5^4th post.

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whats the difrence between a percusionist and a drummer?

percusionists play music

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whhooooa, why the hate on drummers?

i'd say thats more true about bassists.

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*BUM BUM* ...whats a chord?

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what did the guitar say to the guitarist?

stop picking on me!!

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My version of the silencing the guitarists:
How do you get a guitarist to turn down? Put a chart in front of him.
How do you get a guitarist to turn off? Put notes on the chart.

What did the whammy bar say to the pick?
Hello nice to meet you.
......
err yeah

A lazy lumberjack cuts the wood from a decaying tree, a blind carpenter carves the block of wood with a cheese grater and a greedy company pours tar on it and sells it.


What is it?


Any B.C. Rich Guitar

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Eh, I just made up a pretty stupid guitar joke :

"If EMG pickups are so sterile, then why is it that there are so many of them out there?"







"Sterile", unable to reproduce, get it?


ehhhhhh .....

Don't forget, they fashioned the pickups from Japanese transistor radios soldered onto refrigerator magnets.

i hope your not a stand-up comedian..

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What we need is more of these :

Here's a stupid one I remember hearing:

What did the Jazz guitarist say to the Rock guitarist?
"Why are you shouting?!"

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a band is driving to a gig, the guitarist who is driving has a hunch that the blinker is out... he pulls over and tells the drummer to get out and see if it's working.
the drummer gets out..
"yeh it's working, wait no it's not, wait now it is, wait, no it's not, it is now, oh wait, not anymore...."

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did you hear about the time the guitarist locked his keys in his car before a gig?
it took him all night to get the drummer out.

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One day a drummer decides to take up a genuine instrument with some degree of musical value, so he goes to his nearest music shop.

"Can I help you sir?" asked the man in the shop,
"Yes!" said the drummer, "I wish to learn to play a genuine instrument with musical value!"
"Excellent" said the man, "Is there anything here that you like the look of?"
After a long think the drummer excitedly pointed and said, "That one looks like a fine instrument!"
"That" replied the man, "is a radiator"


Yeah that's a really shit one.

a man goes into a shop and says:
"i need a marshall jcm 900, a couple of leads, a boss metal zone, and can i try that ibanez jem?"
assistant: "your a drummer aren't you?"
man: "yes how did you know?"
assistant: "this is a butchers shop"


...yes, I know.

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HAHA
good one amon

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how do you get a guitarist off your doorstep?

pay for the pizza.

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hahaha, one of the first guys I ever jammed with deliverd pizzas

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Its when your friends turn up and have a go. The picks end up in their goddamn pocket... Well thats where mine go anyway. Its a continous cycle you know, all my fuckin picks have been swiped so im gonna take yours.

I find a lot in the laundry. I think they end up with all the missing socks.