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2004-12-28, 11:00
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Lo, they do call to me...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: virginia beach, VA
Posts: 2,209
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a poem written for my lady
i literally just wrote this, i am going to give it to her for our 10 month anneversiary on jan 17, and id like to know what you guys think of it, esp. you, L,B'XXX, being the resident mom and all.
a once bleeding heart
'twer quickly sewn shut
and nutured back to health
thru ten moneths of love
'twas a fair lady that,
his heart, she did heal
'twas the same fair lady,
his heart, she did steal
over those ten months
something greater was born
than any new child
on a fair winter's morn'
'twas born a new heart
the two joined to one
'twas born a new love that
shone brighter than any sun
and so on this cold winter's nigh'
as morning hours slowly pass by
he dreams of her, his deepest love
a love so great, it makes him cry
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Too grim to function
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2004-12-28, 12:49
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Oh please, please , PLEASE, don't use 'twer. That set the romantic tone all right. It made me laugh!  I think if you must use a word such as that twas would be sufficient. 'Twer is fun to say though. I may do that today just to drive people nuts.
The rest of the piece is very warm and romantic. I really liked it. If she doen't like it, ditch her. j/k Have you written for her before?
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2004-12-28, 19:09
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Lo, they do call to me...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: virginia beach, VA
Posts: 2,209
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i have, about 2-3 other poems, but i wrote them and gave her the only copies.
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Too grim to function
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2004-12-29, 13:55
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Good for you. No matter how much heart and soul I put into a piece for someone else I always keep my own copy, too.
How does she react to your pieces?
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2004-12-29, 16:49
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Lo, they do call to me...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: virginia beach, VA
Posts: 2,209
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usually with a big kiss and an "i love you" or a "thank you"
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Too grim to function
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2004-12-29, 20:32
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Glen Burnie, Maryland
Posts: 958
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That was cool. You rock MoonRaven, good luck with everything.
__________________
 R.I.P. SAINT DIME
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Infinity
Everything is funny you just gotta look at it the right way.
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Quote:
You know I believe in a ruling class, particuarly since I rule.
-Randal, Clerks
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scientology
MySpace
scientology |
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2005-01-07, 12:34
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C-Un(i)t
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Melbourne, AUS
Posts: 2,637
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Sorry Moon, I don't want to Sound like an arse, but that was hilarious. If you were an Asterix character, it would be Cacaphonix......hehe thanks for the laugh. 'twere.............
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