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2004-12-19, 14:41
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Attorney at Bird Law
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Alone here, with emptiness, eagles, and snow...
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A really, really long poem/rant
This served it's purpose long enough.
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Trust in god, he'll give you shoes!
Last edited by Chris Rezendes : 2005-06-06 at 06:03.
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2004-12-19, 16:04
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Braidwood, IL in the U.S.A.
Posts: 200
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Well, it is definitely long.  |
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2004-12-19, 19:41
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Attorney at Bird Law
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Location: Alone here, with emptiness, eagles, and snow...
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I suppose it's really more of a poetic rant than it is a poem. This not something I ever intend to work on, and I'm not really looking for constructive criticism. I just figured I'd post it, I guess.
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Trust in god, he'll give you shoes!
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2004-12-20, 00:34
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
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Once in awhile something brings tears to my eyes and once in awhile I save hard copies of piece I read at tabcrawler and here that really are well done. This was a wonderfully done, all too common story. I'm going to assume it's your lifes' story. If not you did one heck of a good job telling this. You sharing the story might make a difference to someone else who may have a simialr world growing up. I hope someday you can get hold of the anger against your father because that takes so much energy, but it can be done. I worked at the local children's home for 8 years as a cook and the last couple years I was trained in Youth Leadership so a lot of times the kids would talk to me when they didn't share with their caseworkers or the other staff.
I don't know if you're into reading much, but Dave Pelzer wrote a book after his series beginning with "A Chile Called It" . Though your story is a little different from his, he was abused by his mother, his book "A Man Named Dave" might help you with some of the hurdles you're faced with. The whole series is excellent and true.
I thought it was especially moving that you included your thoughts on your mother trying to do her best. I hope you've let her know what she means to you. I was a single parent for awhile and I tried to do my best for my kids, too. It was so hard sometimes.
But anyways, this is almost as long as your piece! I'll shut up now. You did excellently with this.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2004-12-21, 22:42
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: The Miasma
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I definately like it. It gets some message across, it makes me feel stuff. Good writing.
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seems like you got a case of stupidphobia
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2005-01-02, 05:27
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Banned
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Sydney, Australia
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excellent
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2005-01-05, 22:43
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Lo, they do call to me...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: virginia beach, VA
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you should let your dad know how you feel, read him the piece, face to face. i have dealt with alot of shit with my dad too, he wasnt there for me up until a year and a half ago, i barely knew the man, but i still have the poems i wrote about him, and i will show him one day when i feel the time is right, when it needs to come out. that was one of the best rants i have read in a long, long time.
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Too grim to function
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