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Old 2004-12-07, 11:56
Slabbefusk's Avatar
Slabbefusk
FUCKING HOFF-STYLE!!!!!!!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sweden
Posts: 2,550
Guilty of Lust

I thought I'd give it a try:

The craving for love, lay dormant for a while
But a lust for flesh, awakens as you smile
The shape of your body, and the feel of your touch
Carressing eachother, my blood starts to rush

My eyes see your beauty, in the act of love
Your face filled with pleasure, and the flowing hair above
As we twist and turn, in our moment all too brief
One mans lust, becomes another ones grief

I consume your love
But I give nothing back
You cannot understand
There is something you lack
A morbid thought in the back of my head
Soon the sheets in this bed will be red

The act that was mild
Becomes pleasure filled with pain
I try to make it stop
But in the end its all in vain
Grasping for control but its no use to try
I hear you cry for help as my hands make you die

What started with lust
Has turned into horror
Your eyes are shut
All bonds have been cut
Just a thought in my head
In between these sheets
Now your lying here dead
And your soul has been reaped

The hunt goes on...



EDIT: Changed the rot part, it didnt quite fit.
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When faced with a difficult situation, Jesus asks himself, "What would Chuck Norris do?"

Last edited by Slabbefusk : 2004-12-07 at 12:15.
 
Old 2004-12-07, 12:05
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
Oh geez...You had me captured til the last verse. When you said "And you're lying here to rot" it fell to me. Although the rest wasn't bad. And the last line by itself was cool. I don't think the rest of that part was as creative as the first part. You've got very vivid imagery in the beginning with a cool twist.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
 
Old 2004-12-07, 12:07
Slabbefusk's Avatar
Slabbefusk
FUCKING HOFF-STYLE!!!!!!!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sweden
Posts: 2,550
Yeah I had a feeling the lying here to rot part was a bit unfitting, hmm.
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When faced with a difficult situation, Jesus asks himself, "What would Chuck Norris do?"
 
Old 2004-12-07, 12:14
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
Very good word choice. I like that a lot. Nice for a first. Keep that up.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
 
Old 2004-12-07, 16:36
Mania
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: In my mind most of the time
Posts: 171
Wow!! I'm truely impressed after being moved. Glad I wasn't talking to anyone at the time.
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