This is so I don't clutter the forum with my stuff.


Untitled
Your soul for sale
Your hate secondhand
Trampling the weeds down
Eating the candles
Hating your own kind

Planting your evil seed in the shade

Mourning the living
Stealing your breath
Selling my shame short
Twisting your name in a Catherine wheel
Breaking the bricks of your existence
Open fire, away


Your sou!l

your hate!

your seed!

your weeds!

your breath!

your existence!


I think you got sold...


Mmm, yay yay yay... I don't normally write, there is a very long story about this one, as you can see I wrote with no pattern, as Emperor sometimes did. This is my very, very old stuff.

New stuff:

Someone was there, someone unforgettable,
I did something, something unforgivable,
The reaction was simply unbelievable,
You don't trust me, you don't trust me at all.

It was growing, growing very rapidly,
So I freed it, let it go so mercifully,
And it left me, left me oh so woefully,
I don't think that look you gave me was very nice.

Bonds were broken, bonds you should've left alone,
Take my hand, and I will take you home,
Like a lost child,lost but not misplaced,
Here, give me your hand and I will take you safely home.

Mm, mm, I think I'm getting used to the whole writting thing...

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I don't get the first one, but the second one was cool, especially the whole 'bonds' thing. you had any music in mind to go with this?

I about had to put my eyeballs back in the sockets. i couldn't figure out what that partial title was gonna be !!!!!!!!!! DON'T SCARE OLD LADIES LIKE THAT !

Anyways, the first one was different. I don't have a clue and what is a Catherine wheel? Some torture device ?

The second one I really liked a lot. I got a darn good beat to it. The meter was fab. It was very distinct like in VooDoo by Godsmack. I think something with not a lot of instruments or maybe just not a lot of music to it and a kick ass melody line would make this really great. It feels like a song you could sing along with , a crowd involver, and I love those kinds of songs.
You did really well on it.

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Thanks L,B'XXX! Sorry for scaring you...

Def - Not yet, no. I have no idea for what kind of genre I'm writting for either, because I like a lot of other music apart from metal. The first one:

Your soul for sale
(They use every opportunity to make money out of you)
Your hate secondhand
(Others tell you what to hate, in particular the media)
Trampling the weeds down
(Putting down children who dissapoint you)
Eating the candles
(Discouraging a talented child)
Hating your own kind
(Undeserved hatred)
Planting your evil seed in the shade
(Rigging contraception so your parthner thinks the sex is safe while it's not for the purpose of having a child)

Mourning the living
(Veterans of wars)
Stealing your breath
(Your every basic need has been exploited for money, they would gladly tax you for the air you use)
Selling my shame short
(Distorted information being distributed by the media)
Twisting your name in a Catherine wheel
(Unfair stereotypes)
Breaking the bricks of your existence
(Your easy, apathetic lifestyle have been broken, you realised the simple things that have been going on around you and can't go back to not caring)
Open fire, away
(Ending it, in any way possible, not nessesarily suicide but something else that's pretty radical and possibly illeagal)

Thanks for the comment.

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holy moley. No offense at all but you better hang on to your notes there becasue 40 years from now you're gonna find this stuck somewhere and wonder what the heck half of it was about ! I think you have a lot to say and maybe you could use what you have written so far for an intro or a break, but you've got too many meat and taters in there to just let the reader interpret it themself. There's no way I'd have gotten more than a couple lines with repetitious readings.
Or you could even rewrite some of the commentary after the line to have a better flow and have it an echoing part. Just not like Linkin Parkish. They sound so "samey" any more.
What kind of music are you into ? I've heard heavier metal bands than have make/femalle voices or growl/ regular vocals and I bet this would work like that. You could get quite a politically charged piece out of it.

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I like death, black (mainly), doom, and goth metal (this one has a lot of female/male vocalist combos). I am also into industrial rock and emocore. The piece is not about those messages, but it's about someone realising something that was right under their nose and feeling tortured and taking action in the end.

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Ok ok, I know I'm double posting but it just doesn't feel right to edit the above post. Kill me.

Intensive course in faking smiles

Endless cycle of self pity
Circling in a figure of eight,
I've heard your story before,
you've put nails in my head.

Fretting over what's now dead,
Forever weighed down low,
you're keeping yourself down.
Do you feel special now?

That stupid grin you wore
all day upon your face
as you watched angels fall
in and out of grace

Did it make you look real?
You simply got ripped off,
You've got nothing to live (for)
So you forever scowl.

The desks were in four rows
Four rows of eyes were down,
Four rows of hearts were dead,
Four rows of you and I.

I couldn't help but stare at you.
I caught a glimpse of wings,
I couldn't help but rise,
You made me fly again.

Where did you go now?
WHERE DID YOU GO?

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