Uh...

Risen (Unfinished)

Verse 1
I was so sure that you ate lead
Your lover told me you were dead
Yet here you're standing before me
How could this be?

Chorus
The bullet burns inside your chest
and maybe it'd be for the best
if you just died without a fight.

Verse 2
Your hollow eyes don't see a thing
Yet you can see through anything
What is it that made you that way?
Fading away...

Chorus

Bridge
Will you walk with me
To the end of the world?
To see how far we'll fall.
All weep for one
Rejoice for all
Evading the inevitable

Verse 3
Think hard!

Chorus type 2

Bridge

Poison (Mind that this is meant to be a very slow, doomish piece)
Tell me, why is everything so cold?

Tired, withered and old?

am I just a simple bolt

in the world machine?

chorus
POOOISON
from that blackened heart of yours...

is there some for me?

is there some for me?

verse 2

Tell me, why I'm so alone,

reigning on my icy throne,

take me home,

am I a stray?


Bridge

As cold as ice
As cold as your eyes
Rising above the clouds
I have reached perfection
Why did you have to break my wings?

Chorus

Verse 2 repeat

Untitled emocore piece

If hope is dead
Then why is everyone alive?
Maybe I should've,
but just forgot to die.
And then your bed
Suddenly became your grave
but it's okay,because...
We are the walking dead!


(Interlude)

You never died, you didn't leave me,
I told you but did you believe me?
You never did live, you didn't hear me,
You were so far when you were near me,
Cold and unfeeling, you weren't breathing,
You never lived, you were walking dead.

And I won't visit,
your brand new grave tonight,
But dearest, it will be alright,
because..
We are the walking dead!


I don't normally write, it's just the stuff I did in the last 3 months...

__________________

Well, first of all I think if you'd put quotation marks or something I wouldn't have runa couple of them together so much. I got part way through one and realized "Poison" was another piece ! Having just reread my testomonial piece I smiled when I read your very first line with thoughts of people thinking I'd eaten lead paint chips or something, but I put that out of mind and read nicely after that.

I think I liked "Poison" the best of all . The first one wasn't bad, but why did the lover tell the character all this and why is the she with them instead of her lover? I didn't quite get that, but the rest wasn't bad. Unless it's a grim reaper type deal she's with. that could be.

The last one I didn't like the "We are the walking dead" lines too much, but I did get a Type O Negative sound for a paper melody. So that was sort of both ways for me.
You should write more though. You have good logical order to your pieces and they all have a good flow. Your spelling was good ,too.

__________________

The killer is with the lover because the lover doesn't know the killer did it.

The walking dead thing was meant to be emocore, so the "it's okay" would be probably sang in a clean, soft lead-up, and because would be nearly silent, on the breath mark, and "We are the walking dead!" would be yelled/screamed. Tis the nature of emo, it has to have some hook lines to work. I actually had an updated version of this song, but I lost the book.

__________________