Just wrote this. Tell me what you think.

God made mortal
Lord made flesh
Comes to earth through holy portals

Virgin's womb
A life abound
Divine marvel of infection

A new life, unlike all others
Comes to us from heaven above

This child grows
Faith he shows
In a god unseen and veiled

Claims he sets us free
Claims his son to be
Of this god unseen and veiled

A new life, unlike all others
Comes to us from heaven above
He takes twelve faithful
Calls them brothers

Brackish water
Turned to wine
In his hands, his hands of life

Cures disease
Hears your plea
Then fills your mind with fear and lies

A new life, unlike all others
Comes to us from heaven above
Bleeding corpse upon the cross
Placed now within a pauper's tomb

Risen indeed
Ascends to the sky
To sit upon his throne as the king of lies

Lied to until the day you die
Rejected from heaven, betrayed
If God really loved you
Would he not take you anyway?

We will not accept this nonsense
If this is how it's going to be
We piss on the jagged cross of lies
And delight as we drown in the fires of hell

Incinerate this messiah's corpse
For he is no use to us
May the fire consume this only begotten son
May the fire consume this saviour to none

It's pretty free-verse, but I still think I get my point across pretty clearly.

__________________

garbage.
actual garbage man
you're attacking someone else's faith.
and doing a bad job.

you say
"If God really loved you
Would he not take you anyway?"
If you even gave a shit you'd realize he would.

Leave religion to those who want it. Pick a new target.

__________________

That's fine. It's not like he invented this trope in metal or can be blamed for its use.


That's true, and it's not fine.

You obviously have a complaint about Jesus, and it's not coming out. Some parts of it are well written, but it doesn't mean much of anything. It's uninspired religion bashing. You best parts are descriptions of Jesus's good deeds; for some reason the subject of his lies, which are why you're rejecting him, are almost entirely untouched upon. It just feels like this is ultimately saying 'Jesus came down, he did a lot of stuff, and we hate him! We won't say why! Let's burn him!' Most anti-Christian lyrics at least give a genuine reason for their opposition, and are more polemical. You just did a fairly nice parse of Jesus's life and ended it by telling us how you don't like him. Try to organize a more cogent argument if you want to attack this, or any, faith; otherwise what you say has no weight to it.

__________________

It's still the same set of lyrics, but I added a few things and changed a few things to show why I feel the way I do. I have put the newly added stuff in bold print and the rest in italic.

Obviously, I can't write an essay telling why I feel the way I do about christianity and call it lyrics, so I put in a verse to give a feeling of why I wrote this. Can you see kinda where I'm coming from now?

__________________

I get your basic idea.
You're pissed, because if there's a god, he damns people to hell for not believing in him. right?

__________________

It includes, and seems to largely rely on, the fact that he's telling them that he loves them at the same time, but that seems to be the basic idea, yeah.

I'm glad to see this explanation in the song. It seems like it comes a verse early, though, since it interrupts the Jesus narrative part. Aside from that, if it works musically, I have no major complaints.

Though, incidentally, 'thou' is an informal second person, whereas 'you' is a formal one (I don't know why we rejected the informal and kept the formal, but that's how it went), which you should keep in mind if you're going to use both. Other than that, I think, again, that you have a fluid way with words, which can be nice.

__________________

God made mortal
Lord made flesh
Comes to earth through holy portals
(okay)

Virgin's womb
A life abound
Divine marvel of infection
(okay)

A new life, unlike all others
Comes to us from heaven above
(okay)

This child grows
Faith he shows
In a god unseen and veiled
(last line is bull shit to anyone who has BECOME a follower. He sure ain't veiled to me ! No offense. )

Claims he sets us free
Claims his son to be
Of this god unseen and veiled
(God and Jesus are NOT the same if that's what you're implying)

A new life, unlike all others
Comes to us from heaven above
He takes twelve faithful
Calls them brothers
(okay)

Brackish water
Turned to wine
In his hands, his hands of life
(Cool ,too)

Cures disease
Hears your plea
Then fills your head with fear and lies
(Oh really? Why, because you aren't getting what YOU selfishly want? Maybe your desicion will effect something 40 years from now or 400.)

A new life, unlike all others
Comes to us from heaven above
Bleeding corpse upon the cross
Placed now within a pauper's tomb
(okay, not quite sure it was a pauper's so I won't argue about that. His friend's were the ones who buried Him. )

God, in all his glory, love and might
Could take thee to salvation at any time
Why then are we left here to suffer?
Some don't believe thy words
Through the freewill you have given
Why must they feed the fires of hell?
Your enduring love should save
Yet, we are left to be tempted and enslaved
Shall all be condemned for their beliefs and their ways
If god truly loved us, he would take us anyway
( No good works, no compassion, no anything we do on earth except love God and Jesus will get anyone into Heaven. )

Risen indeed
Ascends to the sky
To sit upon the throne of lies
( No lies. Just things you don't approve of. You're God? )

We will not accept this nonsense
If this is how is shall be
We will piss upon the jagged cross of lies
And delight as we drown in the fires of hell
(Go for it. I ain't going there. Human's aren't perfect. I'm a perfect example. The Devil probably wouldn't want you either. Everybody Lim-bo ! )

Incinerate this messiah's corpse
Your spawn is of no use to us
May the fire consume your only begotten son
May our fire consume this saviour to none
(Well, that's a darn lie,too, dear. You're speaking your own opinion. Had you ever tried praying simply to Him for awhile and opening the eyes of the heart, you might be in for an awakening. "I once was blind, but now I see?" )

Not bitching about your song really. It's just that you've said the whole world is worshipping your idea and that's utter hogwash. Learn your facts before you choose to write and don't add me to your parade, please.

__________________

Let me explain a few things Ma'am...

First of all, these lyrics came straight from my heart, and I had to hold back tears while writing them.

Second, I never said the whole world was following my idea. When I say 'we' in the song, I really mean 'me and the guys in my group'. We all feel the same way, though not all for the same reasons.

Third, I know my facts. I've been a Lutheran all my life. I was both baptised and confirmed into the family of God many years ago. I never said the devil would want me, either. He is condemned too because he is a selfish whiny little girl. I could care less if he wants me. When I say 'we will delight as we drown in the fires of hell', I mean just that. I, and none of my other band members are satan worshippers. Anti-Christ, yes, but not satan worshippers. Truthfully, I probably feel the same way about satan that you do. These lyrics are spoken from the point of view of me and the other members of my band. I'm not selfish either. Never anywhere in my song did I say anything about not getting what I want. I'm talking about the fact that God loves us, and he leaves us to suffer in a world of temptation and sin, and then condemns us for not being faithful. I have prayed many times, and I have felt his love, and I did see, but I'm sorry. Someone that loves you as much as god supposedly does, would ever even think of leaving you to suffer eternal damnation. This, of course, is just my opinion.

__________________

Let's not turn this into a religious debate.
The fact is, it's only a song. Roach's opinions seem to be slightly skewed, and his understanding of one's beliefs is flawed.
You seem to be a good writer. I'd don't waste your ability on attacking other's faith.

__________________

looks like a lyric done by one of the many angry-against-god bands. sorry.

some parts are not that bad written, but its a touchy subject, you can see that right here in this thread. I don't agree with your statement either, but as long as its from the heart, I respect your opinion.

Yes. It's a song. Stop arguing. You wouldn't complain if his song was about how much he liked puppies, even if you yourself didn't. I'm not personally huge on anti-Christian lyrics, but if that's what he wants to write, as far as I can tell this particular forum is here to make them as good as they can get. They're not supposed to take into account the fact that some people disagree or aren't atheists/satanists/antichrists/whatever. Seriously, you wouldn't have pointed out that he's talking about his personal beliefs and not universal ones if he'd said anything else, and that's not cool or helpful.

And the Devil doesn't get to pick and choose.

__________________

It would seem so, but we write songs about all kinds of stuff. This, most likely, will be the only anti-christian song we ever write.

__________________

Morbid+Roach, I appreciate the way you responded to my critique. I think "Simon" possessed me for a little while.
Believe me, I've felt a bit lost and left to my own devices at times. Maybe that's similar to what you mean. I'm not going to turn this into a religious debate because that isn't my style. And bullying isn't the way to go with anything anyways. Maybe some of the parts of your song could be reworded a little to mke them clearer , but since you said it was an emotional piece for you I wouldn't touch it . You'd have to perfect it and it may be that way to you now.

One thing you said " ...God loves us, and he leaves us to suffer in a world of temptation and sin, and then condemns us for not being faithful." No person is perfect. Sin and tempatation will always be around. Part of faith is knowing that even when we are a part of these things that He does love us if we love him . I've never walked in your shoes and you've not been in mine so we can't know each others' hearts or souls. But don't forget , even Jesus asked why His father had forsaken Him while he was on the cross, but that was a sacrifice for us.

Again I appreciate the pm and the post here. Sorry I came on so strong.

__________________

It's cool.

__________________

now everyone hold hands and sing kumbaya!


lol

__________________

__________________

shut it ,canuck !!

__________________