Hoi,

So here I present my first rough draft of the last composition on the album "Theory of the Grotesque Minded". This Project is a mixture of progressive metal and dark black metal. Before you read the lyrics, you have to understand what the album is about. The Concept of this project is about a Nihilist and his thoughts about humanity. In all the other compositions he talks about the failures nature made, when creating the human being. In the final song, he is dead, and reaches a place, that is beyond human knowledge. He has become, of what some people would call "God". I use the word God to indicate the power, that this nihilist has reached. Well, I'm always open for feedback, especially because my english is not so advanced, and I could need some help for the use of words in this lyric.

The Final Act

From the sky I look down to human mind
I have reached beyond the limits of acquaintance
I see what no human eye has seen before
Reality has no meaning
Truth has no definition
Words mean nothing
For what I have seen goes beyond human knowledge

I have reached the Core of existence
The Start of Life and Death
The spring of essence
I have the power to change continuance
I have the power to destroy subsistence
I have become God
I have become lucid

I shall destroy man kind
For they made already enough ruination
I shall end Time
For it already existed too long
I shall create the total nihility

This will be the final disaster
This will be my Death
The Death of infinite spirit
The Death of divine being
The Death of absolute being
The Death of….

Existence

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Very good work. I'm very disappointed though, in that the whole concept that you described is similar to the concept that I wanted to go after in the lyrics I've written. My lyrics generally deal with the problems with society and mankind. Don't misunderstand me, obviously we are two people far away who have never met each other. My problem is that I thought my lyrics were very unique, and now I know there is at least one other person doing it before I did. I don't feel so good anymore. Maybe I should post one of them just to see what you'd think.

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Both ideas sound vaguely like the concept behind Dreaming Neon Black, though I wouldn't stress that too much. Maybe a bit more philosophical and a bit less narrative, but a lot of the narrative in that album was less about story and more about about the increasingly bleak world-outlook of the main character. Anyway, one of my favorite records.

I like it. Since you asked for some help in getting it into English, I'll suggest a few syntactical changes to make it read more clearly in English, though there aren't many:

'I shall destroy mankind/For they made already enough ruination' reads awkwardly, as though translated literally from another language. 'For the have already made enough ruination' reads better, though, in my opinion, 'caused' is a better word - both semantically and aurally - than 'made.'

'I shall end time/For it already lasted too long' is also a bit awkward, though less so. Just 'For it has already lasted too long' makes more sense, grammatically. With both this and the previous suggestion, though, you shouldn't follow it if it suddenly makes the lyric mesh poorly with the music. Grammar's one thing, but if it makes the properly interplay between the music and words impossible I won't stress it.

I guess the only other thing is that your usage of 'acquaintance' doesn't quite sit well. I just don't quite see what you're trying to mean with it. Aside from that it's all positives; nice work. I'd like to see some of the rest, if you're done with it.

And I'd like to see your lyrics too, Chris. I'd say 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' as an enticement, but I don't write lyrics. I don't write anything but internet posts at the moment.

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Nice I read it and felt as if I were hearing/feeling the thoughts/emotions of the dude that had to drop the greatest bomb known to man on the world... which would kill him too, but he somehow could justify the action.

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Thanks, I will make the changes that you recommended to me. Anyways, I'am writing on a new lyric/ composition called Inspection of human misconception. This one will be released pretty soon.

Sorry ChrisRezendes! I acctually also thought that this idea would be unique... But it doesn't matter, there are many lyrics out there that have the same intention. If you want we can work on some together....

Thanks again for the feedback.

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How old are you?

I wish you lived near me, dude, I'd totally start a band with you. Too bad you live 1/4 away across the world from me!

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... as if age would make a diffrence in making music.....

I'm 16

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I took the phrase with 'acquaintance' to just mean he knew more than just a casual relationship would offer. He knew the chemistry of what made individuals tick.

I thought with grammatical additions already spoken of it was pretty interesting. At first I was thinking that if he destroyed everything that he'd get awfully bored , but with his own self-destruction there' d be no one around and time would stop til the next microbe found a foothold and the preocess began again. That's an interesting thought ,too. What happens to the time between that's still there but there's no one to be aware of it for millenias ? (OMG I'm thinking again...)

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You can look at it in many different ways. Maybe he became really a god like being and had the power to destroy time, which means that existence would stop. Or time only ended for him, because he died and thought that would be the end of existence.
Fact is that he decided to end it all, before it’s unfolding. He knew the consequences that would come, and it doesn’t matter how you look at it, he escaped them! (which is of course the better decision)

I want to give the reader certain freedom of how to interpret these lyrics.

The question really is, if he ended continuance, will it ever start again?


Cheers
Brutur

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