This is a song, not a poem. And it may not "flow" very well becuase you cant hear the song while reading it. So if it seems off, it wouldnt be if you heard it along with the music. I dont like it becuase its seems very random. Hopefully i can eventually make lyrics for a song so that it sticks to something the whole way through. Please, change or correct whatever you like. Id like to make it better if i can. After all it is my song #3, and it is the title track of the band.


I feel something begins to crawl
A parasite devouring my soul
My years here seem to have no end
A journey through deserts of sand

The sound of clashing steel haunts my dreams
I cant escape the pain of old wounds
When i sail accross the sea to discover new lands
Ancient forests filled with new life will be found

Here, blood still flows like streams
straigt to my heart
and i know ill see many years
pass swiftly, like the wind
And new strength flows through my body
As years move on

The history of mankind is still unknown
Its told in lost caves and hidden in tombs
When I discover these secrets waiting to be shown
Then a clear view of the past will be known

yeah, it needs help

How's this......


I feel something begining to crawl
Like a parasite devouring my soul
My years here seem to have no end
Like a journey through deserts of sand

The sound of clashing steel still haunts my dreams
I can't escape the pain of old wounds
When I sail across the sea to discover new lands
Ancient forests filled will be found

Here, blood still flows like streams
Straight to my heart
And I know I'll see many years
Pass swiftly, like the wind
When new strength flows through my body

The history of mankind is still unknown
It's told in lost caves and hidden in tombs
When I discover these secrets waiting to be shown
Then a clear view of the past will be known



hmm, seemed like only a few grammer flowing problems but I thought it flowed with the words. It makes good sense, just add atleast 2 more paragraphs after this telling the ending of the song. You've just told about this journey to a new land to find secrets and that's it. Why not tell in like one stanza, ...."and here I go" or something like that to end it.

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thanks, it actually does sound better once i re-read it. ill consider some of the changes. I just want it to be decent for when i record onto cd-r. I already recorded the way it is on tape, but that was just to get something recorded already, now i just want to improve it.

In the song the first "paragraph" is the chorus, and it is played one more time, so i think if i changed it to

I feel something begins to crawl
A parasite devouring my soul
Even here I feel I cannot reach the end
But Time will take me and ill lay eternally beneath the sand.

...for the second time it will end the song better. i know it may seem a little cut short, but uh, thats where the songs ends.

Atleast change this line so it's grammatically correct. Either "beginning to crawl" or "feeling something begin to crawl."

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hah, ok, If you insist!

Yeah, I agree withthe 'begin' chnage. I think if you take a few things you used towards the beginning besides the chorus and add those to the end you can round it out nicely. It seems to begin with one set of ideas and then switches to the next so you need something to make it come around full circle. Maybe even utilize what you have in the beginning but changing just a line or 2 to involve the other meat of the song.

Pretty cool. I might add.

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Thanks L,B'XXX, your reply is always the one i look most forward to.