Well lets see I started this a long time and was looking at it today. It had some errors and was a little short so I added some more. The power that is mentioned is like taking the souls from each corpse he feeds on. It is probably pretty cheesy but oh well let me know what you think.


My war torn sword spills blood on the field
as enemies fall at my feet
if they only knew the pain I wield
for human flesh is what I eat

My mind goes psychotic
as I see my next pray
My body becomes numb
as I flay them to their dismay

Rapture fills my mind
with each piece I devour
My sight is confined
as my cannibalistic instincts seek more power

This primal instict I can not stop
no matter how hard I try
It thrives on the bodies that drop
which I try to deny

I seek to end my life
With each unstoppable war
I want my foe to knife
my wretched body to gore

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Yeah, it has a storyline going on , but it needs a little more balance to me. It has some short and long lines that don't flow that well cadencewise. I don't thinkit would take a whole lot of touching up, but if you think some lines are cheesy, try to say them another way until you're satisfied or show them here and maybe someone can help you perfect the ideas you have.

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